LOCKDOWN! ~ the game that everyone is talking about …

LOCKDOWN! is one of a new trilogy of games from well-known boredgames maker, John Wankerson, sponsored by Kim Whetherfork in association with Big Pharma and the Chinese Tourist Beard. The object of the game is for one or more players to sneak off without the other players seeing them. The winner is the first one to send a postcard back from Skegness, without having been stopped on the way for breaking the social distancing rules.

UK LOCKDOWN NEW BOARD GAME

Players have to run the gauntlet of hysterical media headlines, leap over the boggy landscape of Conscience Mire, escape the Maze of Conflicting Stories, grapple with conspiracy theorists and eat Chinese takeaways. Bats (which is difficult to start a sentence with at this point) are no longer in the Belfry, a restaurant which has been closed down by public health officials, and players run the risk of forfeits depending on where they land. For example, on squares such as ‘LOOK OUT! THEY’RE OPEN!’, the player takes a LOOK OUT card, ie ‘Stop off at Kim Whetherfork’s for a pint, pay a £10 fixed fine or take a Chance and catch coronavirus’ and on other squares, such as VOTE LABOUR, there is no hope and it is just GAME OVER.

The full-length version of the game takes about 33 years to complete, unless a vaccine is discovered in the meantime, but the concise option, BLAME, takes less time than it takes to ask who left the backdoor open. Hatty Mancock, BLAME Executive without portfolio and mask, admits that distribution during the coronavirus epidemic may be a bit tight if not disingenuous, but the Onguardianism and The Indefensible cannot stop saying that 1 million will be available in the UK yesterday, now that we have a female Dr Who. In the United States, the game will be licensed under the tradeoff LOCKEDOUT, distributed by Mexican Wall inc, in very limited numbers. Forfeits will be replaced with Trumps and each game will come free with an imperial gallon of disinfectant. People living in deprived areas should not expect to acquire the game now, in the near future or ever, or run the risk of losing their privileged status.

LOOKOUT ^(™) is a trademark of The British Tourist Bored and is endorsed and enforced by Queer Stammer and the TUCs (Trades Union C­_ _ _s)

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