What is it?!
Published: 4 December 2021 ~ Please Look! A Weird UFO off the Baltic Coast!
Olga took this photograph last week on a very cold and snowy night on the Baltic Coast. “What is it?” we asked.
“It’s your wife!” my brother replied.
“I know,” I said, “but who’s that next to her, to the right of the photograph, on the right-hand side as you are looking at it?”
It could have been the Imp of the Flippant, but then again? Small settlements along the Baltic Coast are rich in folklore and teeming with legends about ghosts, ghouls and unexplained phenomenon, so believing everything that we read in the press, we put it to the test: we asked for second opinions from people in the UK on what the green-faced, bog-eyed monster might be.
“Oi, that’s no way to talk about your husband!”
To protect the not-so, never-were or never-could-be innocent, we have omitted the names of the respondents and replaced them with a brief description of ‘type’ in italicised text after each quote.
Responses to the question: What is it in the photograph?
“Whatever it is, it’s a different colour so you should be taking a knee” ~ a hairy-fairy quite contrary Wokist
“It looks to me as if it is an extra-large Covid particle specifically designed to lend some sense to the argument that wearing face masks can stop coronavirus” ~ a man with a three-week old face mask hanging below his chin
“I thought, ‘I’ve seen one of these before’. In fact, I had the distinct impression that I had seen thousands of them. And then it clicked! It was the rabid, barking, frothing, foaming at the mouth, hyperventilating pro-vaccination poltergeist, screaming get vaccinated now in order to save yourselves and the rest of society! If you don’t, I’ll murder yu!” ~ a man who has since received Facebook of the Year Award 2021
“I think you’re right! The last time I saw one of these they were carrying a placard with ‘Stop Brexit’ written across it!” ~ Mr Wagtale
“Leave it out! You know it’s me muvver in law!” ~ the last cockney geezer in London to know about white flight
“The green face symbolises the paranoid fringe to which vaccine-hesitant conspiracy theorists are driven via a self-inflicted disconnect from sane members of a beneficent social spectrum from which their psychosis has ostracised them due to a process which they are reluctant to confess is nobody else’s fault but the consequence of their own choice and actions and that blah, blah, blah, drone, drone, drone” ~ a pseudo-psychological nasty Nazi narcissist from the UK
“Well, I’ll be buggered, if it’s not George Sorryarse!” ~ A George Sorryarse spotter
“Well, I’ll be buggered, if it’s not George Sorryarse!” ~ George Sorryarse’s’ Reflection
“Well, I’ll be buggered” ~ someone (everyone) who believes that George Sorryarse is what western media says he is
“It’s such a bloody mess, it has to be the UK establishment’s plan to protect everyone from coronavirus” ~ the man who drew up the plan
“A pair of old fisherman’s underpants time travelling across the Curonian Lagoon” ~ a likely story
“It’s sexist! It’s racist! It’s an offence to gender neutrals! It’s Brexit! It’s a symbol of British Imperialism! It should be taking a knee! It’s homophobic! It’s anti-candle-lit vigil! It’s in violation of everything that Facebook cons us with! It’s inciting revisionist hatred! It’s inciting cancel-culture hatred! It’s everything I accuse others of, but which stares at me from my mirror! It’s liberal!” ~ a liberal
“It’s a red thing in a rectangle” ~ a recently graduated millennial-era student with a triple ‘A’ mark in all 45 subjects taken (which he did in a week, although his first language was Martian)
“I think its … “ {You have just been redirected to an article that tells you the truth about vaccination}
“It’s a vaccination passport with an inferiority complex who believes she has no friends” ~ the Dwarf from the North
“The last time I saw one of those I was working for The Guardian”~ an ‘it’ that is glad that ‘it’ no longer does
“What’s Green but got a satanic face?” ~ a Green Party MP
“Greenpeace 30 years on” ~ a pointless exercise
“You’ll never know the truth” ~ the UK media
“It could be a trick of the light?” ~ a world-leading virologist deplatformed for not towing the establishment line
“It’s the latest strain known as Sinoucret” ~ a WHO public health specialist with a developed sense of anagramism
“WHO?” ~ most likely
“WHAT FOR?” ~ don’t ask!
“WHERE?” ~ everywhere
“WHEN?” ~ never!
“Are you quite finished?” ~ No! Davos
[Answers supplied by an anonymous cohort of public health specialists and Big Pharma scientists handpicked by Establishment inc]
Light reading:
😁UK Lockdown Board Game
😂Exit Strategy ~ a new bored game
🤣Clueless! World Health Game
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