Diary of a Self-isolator: Day 310 [18 January 2021] or Business as Usual
Published: 18 January 2021
There is no lockdown in Kaliningrad, Russia. In fact, I think I am right in saying, and I am sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, that there is no lockdown across Russia, and it would be deceitful of me if I did not say that when I see what is happening back home that I breathe a sigh of relief that I left the UK when I did.
I am not talking about the numbers, the figures, the statistics the doom and gloom wreaked by the UK media’s representation of how bad the virus is supposed to be, but about the lack of transparency, unambivalent information and, of course, the notorious punitive measures which no one in authority seems able or willing to say are actually making a difference, apart that is from ruining people’s livelihoods and subjecting many it seems to psychological and emotional duress.
No Lockdown in Kaliningrad, Russia
Here, for better or for worse, things continue to be pretty clear cut. We wear our masks, some of us reluctantly and others with zealous intent, where we are told that we are supposed to wear them ~ some of us ~ and we try to avoid large crowds and crowded places ~ some of us ~ and some of us self-isolate.
Bars, restaurants and shops are predominantly open as usual. Hospitality outlets appear to be implementing a table-distance rule, and some establishments close early. Masks are required inside public places, such as in shops, the working environment and on public transport. Also, when I travelled by train last week from Kaliningrad’s main railway station, I was subjected to an electronic temperature check before passing through the security gates.
I am able to report that among our social circle we know about eight people who have had coronavirus, both here and in the UK, or, to rephrase that for accuracy, have had a seasonal respiratory illness that has been classed as coronavirus, and, I am glad to say, whatever it is they have had, they have had it mild.
So far, I know of no one here, in Kaliningrad, Russia, who has had the vaccine and only my mother, in the UK, who is no spring chicken, and a friend of ours around the same age also in the UK, who have had their first jabs.
No Lockdown in Kaliningrad, Russia
The situation here regarding voluntary take-up of the vaccine, and not just the Russian vaccine but any vaccine, is no different than it was when I wrote about it last month: lots of recalcitrants and one or two wait-and-sees. Me? The jury’s out. My wife? No.
So, for the time being, at least, its Carry On Mask Grumbling and keep on taking the homemade vaccine: a combination of quality beers and vodkas. Come to think of it, I must be about due for my follow-up treatment.
Diary of a Self-isolator: Day 209 [9 October 2020]
Published: 11 October 2020
Coronavirus chaos has strengthened its grip on the UK, the focus having now switched away from London to the north of the country. There are so many different ideas, protocols and strategies proposed for or operating in so many different regions and towns that the British public have been propelled into a second wave of terminal confusion. ‘Traffic lights’, three-tier systems, pub curfews, the Rule of Six, social distancing, lockdown ~ this lexical explosion, perpetrated by political pundits and lobbed like grenades into the public arena by hack journalists, has not, as linguists would have us believe, helped a beleaguered public to communicate better the altered shape of their lives and collective state of mind as much as it has routed common sense.
Coronavirus language & the mask argument
The new speak is bandied around as something positive given to us by the New Normal in return for stealing our lives. It is a poor substitute, thrilling perhaps for linguists and for those who devote their lives to the pursuit of adding slang to dictionaries, but for the humble man on the street (now locked down in his home), it is just so much unnecessary verbiage.
As I sit here in Kaliningrad ~ sometimes Königsberg ~ I have, by slow and calculated degrees, weened myself off my daily habit of consulting UK Google News, because (a) it is depressing and (b) after five minutes of reading, I feel as if I am drowning in alphabetti spaghetti.
Alphabetti spaghetti
There are no such buzzwords in Kaliningrad as there are in the UK, not even, or very rarely, a mention of ‘second wave’, but the protection that this offers us from the contagion of new speak and from the ill-thought-through strategies, U-turns and excuses around which in the UK these catch-all words revolve, does not, as with the rest of the infected world, extend immunity to the real problem, coronavirus, or provide us with a way back to the life we have lost and for which we grieve.
I suppose that in the last analysis as long as you remember to step carefully through the media spaghetti, the semantics are irrelevant; they ‘don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world’; it is simply a case of whether or not you like your beans spiced or served as they come without relish.
Coronavirus language & the mask argument
Today, for example (9 October 2020), without a lot of fuss, I learn from consulting Kaliningrad news that 67 new cases of coronavirus have been confirmed, bringing the total number of infected to 4,970 in this region. A total of 3,521 people have recovered, and the total number of deaths since the onset of the pandemic stands at 891.
Whilst this should come as no surprise to anybody, as governments around the world, the WHO, scientists and health practitioners have been telling us all along to regard summer as little more than a seasonal respite, because this virus, like most respiratory viruses, favours a romp in the autumn and winter months, some critics here have inferred that a contributory factor to the increased number of Covid-19 cases has been “a decrease in the vigilance of the population”2.
This mainly, but non-specifically, I assume refers to the controversial subject of mask-wearing in confined public spaces. It is quite astonishing that 12 months into the pandemic, the world’s health gurus, scientists, governments and the public are still at serious odds about how efficacious face masks are as a preventative measure against Covid-19, and that this one issue alone illustrates not only how polarised opinion has become on how best to protect oneself against the virus but also serves to remind us of how fallible our knowledge is and how vulnerable we are when the science community on which we rely are unable to reach consensus on something so fundamental.
In the UK, here and elsewhere in the Covid-19 world, the division and opposition between maskers and anti-maskers defines the ambiguities of the ‘New Normal’ as well as its extremes, and allegiance and loyalty to one or the other is breeding the kind of resentment and partisan hostility usually reserved for, as Leonard Cohen describes it, “the war between the black and white and … left and right”, not to mention the rancour between the leave and remain camps of Brexit. Indeed, the line drawn in the sand between pro- and anti-maskers is as deep as any encountered and has a universal reach.
Coronavirus language & the mask argument
In Kaliningrad to mask or not to mask has led to altercations on public transport and recently, it was reported, that a fight broke out on a bus between a pro-masker and an anti-masker3. There is no doubt that throughout the infected world feelings are running high, but is this the result of fear or bigotry, frustration, ignorance or ambiguity, or a little bit of everything and a little more besides? Whatever is stoking it, as with all last stands on the moral high ground, since both opposing parties are convinced that the cause which they espouse has right upon its side, unless someone steps up to the plate and passes final judgement on the mask vs no mask case, the heat can only go up and the situation can only deteriorate.
As with all arguments of this nature ~ inconclusive ones ~ there is no flexibility, no ground to give. The pro-maskers believe unquestionably that face masks can prevent or at least protect against the spread of the disease, whilst the anti-maskers argue that not only are masks ineffective but that wearing them incorrectly can actually increase one’s chances of catching coronavirus, particularly if masks are carried, handled and worn in ways that contradict and confound the science by which their usefulness, and by default their limitations, are defined.
Consider the following, which was emailed to the comments section of the article cited above3 [Note that this has been reproduced verbatim using an automated translation service]:
‘Who among those who like to wear masks observes these rules? How to Wear a Medical Mask: Important Recommendations A disposable medical mask is only used once. The mask is placed on the face so that it covers the nose, mouth and chin. If the mask has strings, they must be tied tightly. If a plastic fastener is sewn into the mask in the area of the nose, it is tightly fitted with your fingers to the bridge of the nose. Many masks have special folds. They are unfolded to give the garment a more functional shape for a snug fit to the face. While wearing the mask, it is not recommended to touch its protective field with your hands. After touching the mask, hands are washed with soap and then treated with a special antiseptic. It is better not to take breaks in the process of wearing the mask: after removing the product from the face, a person, as a rule, touches it with his hands, shifts to the chin and neck, or even puts it in his pocket, and this is strictly prohibited. Dispose of the wet mask immediately and put on another, dry and clean. On average, the medical mask is changed every 2 hours. Removing the used mask, you must not touch the protective layer of the product, where pathogens have already accumulated. The mask is gently pulled off the face by grasping the ear loops or strings. Knowing how to properly wear a medical face mask is very important. Otherwise, the protective effect of the product will be minimized, and the risk of “catching” the virus, on the contrary, increases significantly.’
In the early days of coronavirus a friend of ours, who, incidentally, is a confirmed anti-masker who wears a mask begrudgingly, reminded someone on public transport that they were not wearing a mask. She was promptly informed by the non-mask wearer that there was no need for her to wear a mask because she was not infected. Our friend replied, that she was not thinking of her infecting others but being infected herself. When the bus conductress came along, who also was not wearing a mask, our friend asked if she challenged passengers who were not wearing masks and asked them to put them on. She replied: “Of course not!”
Two week ago I travelled by tram across the city, whereupon I observed some people wearing masks and some not. My maths have always left a lot to be desired, but in my humble opinion I would estimate that the split was equal at 50:50. In the article quoted above3, interviews with public transport staff conclude that since the onset of coronavirus and the early days of the mask-wearing rule the uptake has improved and is improving, even if the grumbling has not.
Coronavirus language & the mask argument
And what about me? For my own part, I am a reformed anti-masker/reluctant masker, but my gut feeling echoes the sentiments of the commentator whose words I quoted earlier in this post, namely that knowledge of and adherence to the art and science of mask wearing is, firstly, not well understood, and secondly, even if it was, is difficult if not impossible to transact under normal societal conditions. And under New Normal conditions? Well, I will try to answer that when somebody tells me in plain English or in simple Russian what the New Normal is.
In the meantime, no more spaghetti for me, thanks, I have signed myself up for a detox diet.
How do you spell ‘NOT SURE’? Coronavirus Language & the Mask Argument (*Photo credit)
Note: The opinions expressed in this article are exactly that, opinions. The current rules, as I understand them, are that the wearing of masks is mandatory on public transport and in other enclosed public places, ie shops, chemists, etc …
Diary of a Self-isolator: Day 169 [30 August 2020]
Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye …
As we get set to wave goodbye to summer, and goodbye to the waves as they roll along the golden sands, the question that seems to be foremost in almost everybody’s mind is are we about to say hello to second-wave coronavirus? The simple answer to that is, that there isn’t one. As with everything concerning this modern pandemic, the information/disinformation is so muddled and contradictory that should second-wave coronavirus arrive it will possibly be lost beneath a triple-figure coronavirus conspiracy wave.
I am reading social media responses that have gone from conspiracy theory to conspiracy conviction, the favourite expressions of which are ‘on purpose’, ‘crash the global economy’, ‘they want people to distrust one another’ and the valedictory ‘the damage has been done’. In this mindset the only wave that it is credible is that we have already waved goodbye to life as we knew it.
Here, in Russia, I quote from InfoRos: “There will be no second wave of the coronavirus infection in Russia, Russia’s former chief sanitary doctor and now a member of the lower parliament house, Gennady Onishchenko, said on Tuesday.” [https://inforos.ru/en/?module=news&action=view&id=112523 : published 29 July 2020; accessed 30 August 2020]
Severity of COVID-19 cases may increase in second wave, scientist says “According to the scientist, the novel coronavirus infection is likely to have three waves and it will be possible to return to the accustomed way of living only by the summer 2021” [TASS Russian News Agency: https://tass.com/society/1193965 : published 26 August 2020; accessed 30 August 2020]
Meanwhile in the UK, the situation as reported is markedly different, as this 28 August 2020 headline from The Telegraph shows:
But just look at this conflicting array of UK headlines:
Coronavirus: Hospital staff prepare for possible second wave (BBC)
NO SECOND WAVE More coronavirus outbreaks will come this winter, but Europe will avoid ‘horror’ of a second wave (The Sun)
Will there be a second wave of coronavirus in the UK? If cases of Covid-19 could surge again in UK “With lockdown restrictions eased across the UK to varying degrees, concerns amongst experts are growing in regard to the possibility of a second wave of coronavirus cases if social distancing guidelines are not adhered to” [Edinburgh Evening News]
UK researchers warn of much worse 2nd virus wave (Anodolu Agency)
Going on the headline sample above, for the first time in my life I am tempted to stay with The Sun!
But it is not only the ‘will there be, or won’t there be a second wave’, it is should we all be wearing masks? Does social distancing work or is it counter-productive to herd immunity? Are we supposed to be exercising some kind of self-imposed isolation? If it is alright to go to work, why is it not alright for children to go to school? If masks have to be worn on public transport and in shops, how come it is still alright to go to cafes, bars and restaurants? How many ‘spikes’ in Covid-19 resulted from non-social distancing during the BLM riots? How many Covid-19 cases have resulted from holiday-period hotel stays and crowded seaside resorts?
Now, in the midst of all this confusion, I have not yet mentioned ~ although I am just about to ~ when does the vaccine cometh and, as sure as night follows day, when it does have you decided which camp you belong in? In other words, are you an opt-in vaxxer, an anti-vaxxer or a resist-at-all-costs vaxxer?
This ‘know your rights’ article strikes me as funny as it contains the sort of tautology that Ronnie Barker would have been at home with, and it would not look out of place in Jonathan Swift’s biting satire, Gulliver’s Travels, in which Swift sends up political and bureaucratic aggrandisement as so much windbag waffle.
The polemics of compulsory vaccination can be overcome by self-isolating where nobody can get at you ~ I would suggest asking Mrs Doctor Who if you can jump into her box ~ or by inventing the first social-distancing personal force-field, guaranteed to prevent anyone entering your personal space inside the one-metre limit.
As I contemplate these options, I will continue with the second phase trial of my unique vaccine against confused messages, which is to see all, believe nothing and to take heed of Frank Sinatra singing ‘I did it My Way’.
The day after I posted my lastDiary of a Self-isolatorarticle on the coronavirus situation, wearing a mask in public places, including on the street, became part of what the Brits would call ‘The New Normal’ here in Russia’s Kaliningrad region. +An online news report predicted today that the mask regime would be ‘with us for a long time’, which is bad news for those of us who have difficulty in wearing them. Nevertheless, rules are rules and when we went shopping on Sunday we emerged on the street looking like a pair of dentists hunting down an escaped patient, or, possibly, a pair of escaped dentists wanted for mask wearing when it did not really suit us.
In the short walk from our house to the small, but diversely stocked, shopping precinct at the end of the road, I idled away my new-found inability to breathe very well by playing ‘spot the masks in Kaliningrad’.
Now, I am not one to tell tales out of school, but in my estimation I would say there was a 50:50 split on those conforming to the new mask-wearing rule and those who could not, but, moving swiftly on ~ and my word don’t we, these days ~ I turned my face-covered attention to the kind of masks that people were wearing in an attempt to define which type of mask was the Kaliningradian’s mask of choice.
Mick Hart and his wife, Olga, were wearing the lightweight, light-blue coloured thin cotton masks of pleated design, as worn widely by members of the medical profession. Please be assured that this is no endorsement of their efficacy, and neither is it intended to be. The problem inherent in universal mask-wearing is that it does not take long before demand outstrips supply, restricting personal choice to availability rather than comfort-fit or cosmetics.
This factor would account for the swerving variation in masks evident, but a nervous breakdown (that is to say, a breakdown made nervously as I stood in the street observing) enabled me to categorise mask-type together with wearing incidence thus:
Incidence of mask-wearing:
Lightweight, blue pleated masks: 20%
Thick linen black masks: 60%
Homemade masks: 1%
Standard builder’s dust masks: 12%
Superior builder’s dust masks: 7%
Wearing of masks by type
Proper job ~ over mouth and nose: 40%
Loose and baggy like an old pair of pants (please note the use of the word like): 5%
Nose poking out over the top: 5%
Clipped under the chin ready for erection on sight of authorities: 50%
Covid-19 Mask Parade
It was whilst I was standing outside the chemists in a mask-observant mood that, making allowances for the different types of mask identified here, I wondered how long it would be, taking into account that enforced mask-wearing was not likely to go away anytime soon, some budding entrepreneur would cash in and clean up on the market for novelty masks. Who would be the first, I pondered, to register The Novelty Mask Emporium, a company devoted to the design, production and distribution of imaginatively made masks, three or four different types mass produced and styled in such a way as to steer your mind away from the serious reason for wearing them.
For example, for the animal lovers you could have one shaped like a cats face with a long pair of whiskers sticking out on either side; for the ‘life on the ocean waves’ brigade, one shaped like the bow of a boat with some waves painted around the chin piece; and for those who have benefitted from too much plastic surgery and/or Botox one designed like the back of a bus.
You could design the masks in series, and make a ‘guess who’ or ‘guess what’ game of it. For example, you could have the ‘Famous Faces Series’, a mask limited to the mouth and nose of famous people, such as the mouth and nose of Boris Johnson, Donald Trump or, for those with long memories, Tom Jones. To appeal to and capture the errant youth market, you would do far worse than have a series of features built around rappers and hip-hoppers. Each mask could come complete with a free, imitation chunky gold necklace and you could call the series ‘Innit’. There really is no end to the possibilities; the sky’s the limit ~ a mask decorated with craters like the moon, which turn out to be potholes in a road near Scunthorpe, just to appease the conspiracy theorists. Rude masks would be very much in demand, especially in the UK, and masks of Obama’s bum, for example, or shaped like genitalia would be bound to command high prices.
At the other end of the market, above the belt line and sold exclusively in places like Bond Street and London’s Saville Row, upmarket clientele could eschew the off-the-peg option for a tailor-made mask, personally designed according to their own design criteria and made to measure to fit one’s facial contours.
Covid-19 Mask Parade
The biggest bucks lie in one of two directions: (1) Designing a novelty mask and getting it wrapped around the kisser of some celeb or other, particularly one which will appeal to the open credit card mentality of the young; (2) Having your mask operation endorsed by Royal Warrant, ie Mask Suppliers to Her Majesty the Queen of England or Chancellor Merkel of Germany (not quite sure about the latter).
For those of us who are good with our hands and have not yet been arrested for it, the homemade customised option could very well lead to an international coronavirus mask competition, similar in form and cornicity to the long-running out-of-steam Eurovision Song Contest or EU Pong Contest (this one has always smelt a bit fishy). For inspiration, ‘make do and mend’ mask artists would be advised to seek inspiration from the saviours of America ~ no, definitely not the Hilary Clinton mask ~ I mean those worn by comic strip superheroes ~Batman, Spiderman, Bat-Other, Spider-It et al.
For lovers of the Golden Days of Hollywood, there’s your Lone Ranger and Mask of Zorro. OK their masks were just pieces of paper with eye holes cut into them, specifically designed so that when worn even people who have never met you before will recognise you instantly, but they are just as good as any mask if you only wear them under your chin.
We won’t go into the other kinds of mask available as we run the risk of straying inadvertently into the realm of bank heists and BDSM parties (mainly dungeon oriented now on account of the 2 metre distancing rule ~ see my article on Copulating with Coronavirus whilst observing the 2 metre rule [by the way, claiming that the metric system confuses you, as you thought that 2 metres is the same as 2 inches is no defence, and anything else is just boasting].
If you want a lover I’ll do anything you ask me to And if you want another kind of love I’ll wear a mask for you
~ Leonard Cohen
From a personal standpoint, which is a masculine one with no hands on hips allowed, for the well-turned out gentleman, the gentleman of taste and decorum, there is the all-important question of how to wear a mask and still maintain one’s sartorial elegance.
No matter how assertively the mask argument is made in the interests of self-preservation, one is forced to acknowledge that a piece of cloth or moulded chunk of white synthetic material resembling a polystyrene burger box planted on your face is by no means a flattering accessory to either member of sex ~ or the many things in between. And when you have a certain je ne sais quoi reputation concerning standards and manner of dress, well, I ask you, wearing a mask indeed!
In conclusion (or even collusion)
The benefits and disadvantages of wearing a mask in the new Coronavirus Age is one of those hotly debated issues which, like mediocre pop music does not look likely to be resolved in the short-to-medium term, but as Hope Not Hate, who have never got it right, might say, masks come in all shapes and sizes, they do not have to be homogeneous. Masks can be as diverse as fantasy, multicoloured or as black as your hat. Just open the borders of your mind ~ make them gay and wear them with pride.
Mick Hart, Kaliningrad, with matching Covid-19 mask & cravat ~ a must for this summer!
Just because you have to wear a mask does not mean that you have to sacrifice style!
Please note that this article is not affiliated in any way to the coronavirus-shaped masks that are being sold by Bad Joke Inc.
