Архив метки: UK New Normal

25 Reasonable Excuses for Leaving the UK

You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!’

Published: 26 March 2021 ~ 25 Reasonable Excuses for Leaving the UK

You might not believe the BBC, and that is all to your credit, but, as sensible as it sounds, the UK government has indeed ruled as part of its battle against freedom, sorry, I meant to say coronavirus, that any Brit who attempts to flee the Blighted Kingdom could face a fine of £5000.

“This new measure has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with forcing Britons, and those who call themselves British, to holiday in appalling places like Hunstanton or Skegness, and is not affiliated in any way to the Have a Gay Holiday in Brighton scheme,” said William Butlins, Minister without portfolio but with a family ticket for the Costa del Sol, Wokesperson for the Kickstart Domestic Tourism Campaign.

The ban on people leaving the UK in search of sun, solace and sanity is what one man on a bicycle in Northamptonshire said was a ‘one way street’. He said a lot more, but we could not publish that for fear of the Free Speech Watchdog ~ who lives in the UK and barks in seven different languages, except English. What he meant by ‘one way street’ is that nobody is allowed out but people from everywhere else in the universe are allowed in, especially on small boats that come bobbing daily into Dover. Well, that’s alright then.

However, every cloud has a silver lining, except for the one called Biden’s Agenda, and that has a globalist golden one (incidentally, that is also a ‘one way street’). In the case of being forced to remain in the UK (which serves illegal immigrants right! Be careful what you wish for!) the proviso is that as long you have a ‘reasonable excuse’ you can be released on bail.

For those of you who have not downsized recently and therefore cannot afford, or do not qualify for government assistance, to pay for legal advice, here is a checklist of ‘reasonable excuses’ for leaving the UK.

25 Reasonable Excuses for Leaving the UK

1. Immigration

2. Coronavirus

3. Police State Coronavirus Restrictions

4. You don’t like Boris’s hairstyle

5. You like Matt Hancock’s hairstyle (what there is of it) but you don’t like Matt Hancock

6. You have no intention, now or ever, of paying your BBC protection racket license.

7. You want to go to a country where statues feel safe and heritage is valued

8. You really cannot prefix every statement you make with “I’m not racist, but …” anymore

9. The adverts on the telly do not reflect what it is really like to live in Britain (Thank Heavens!)

10. Political correctness

11. You want to go to a country where they are proud of the nation state

12. You want to go somewhere where you feel that your children are safe

13. You need to see a neck specialist as you cannot turn your head the other way and ignore anti-social behaviour any longer

14. You are frightened that if you write something on social media in the interests of your children’s future, you might be arrested for inciting the truth

15. Now that you have posted proudly “Yippee, I have had my vax,” and changed your Facebook avatar with some pretty rainbow colours, you feel such a prick that you are still locked down in your home

16. As a ‘first in and out of the queue’ early coronavirus panic buyer, you feel the need to travel abroad and stock up on more shite paper

17. You have run out of bog paper and feel embarrassed as the neighbours saw you fill the front room with rolls and instead of not paying your BBC license fee you’ve watched what they broadcast and used it all up as a result

18. I am an escapologist

19. You’ve experienced claustrophobia for the past 12 months, now you’d like to give agoraphobia a try (The UK establishment has given you plenty of aggrophobia!).

20. I want to go so you won’t let me back in

21. Just because you want to control me does not mean that I am going to make it easy for you

22. I am looking for the truth, and I know I won’t find it here

23. I was a liberal, but now I have learnt to see and think for myself

Someone did try using ‘I have grown allergic to the sound of sheep!’ but as a reasonable excuse, it was struck down for failing to register on the Fauci-controlled Baa-ometer.

On reading the 23 valid reasons for leaving the UK, one liberal remainer, who did not want to remain anonymous because he/she/it is an overpaid, untalented celeb with delusions of political grandeur, sneered venomously (well, they do, don’t they!) “It serves them right [It having nothing, of course, to do with gender]. Those who voted for Brexit wanted out of Europe so why should they be let back in!” And then she went straight back to her mum’s house to make a banner for this summer’s BLM riot ~ another reasonable excuse for wanting to leave the country.

So, 2021 promises to be not so much the summer of discontent as spending the summer in a clapped old tent, in your own back garden if you have one and in nobody else’s if they have one and you don’t, six feet apart from one another, wearing a mask, waiting for your 131^st vaccination against alleged mutated strains of a similar number and counting your antibodies to see if you have enough to get you into the pub.

And the last two reasonable excuses for wanting to leave the UK are?

24. I want to send the UK establishment and it’s sheeples a postcard. “Hello Boris et al, I am having a lovely time in the real world. Sun, sand, sea good weather, wonderful bars and restaurants. You can take your lockdowns, masks, social distancing, never-ending vaccines, antibody tests, and pub vaccine passports and stick them up your a!*e! We would like to say, wish you were here, but we’re rather glad that you’re not! And, after all, without a ‘reasonable excuse’, you couldn’t be if you wanted to.

And finally, number 25, the most reasonable excuse that anybody could give for wanting to leave the UK:

“Give me one good reason for wanting to stay?!”

Feature image attribution ~ Scary shadow: https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=281804&picture=man-scared

The Coronavirus Files:

Tracking World Vaccination with the Prickometer
The Great Re-set, Answer or Suspicious Coincidence
Clueless! World Health Game

The Value of Traditional Values

1 July 2020

Published: 1 July 2020

The last couple of days have been extremely important ones here in Russia, as the citizens of the largest country in the world head off to the polling booths to vote ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ for the new constitutional reforms. My wife was among them. I cannot reveal which she way she voted, but you who know her can probably guess.

The Value of Traditional Values

The latest BBC article (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-53255964) as at 20.27pm Kaliningrad time, obviously alludes to the effect that a ‘yes’ vote for the reforms will have on President Putin’s terms of office and “Other conservative reforms include a ban on same-sex marriage and reference to Russia’s ancestral ‘faith in God’.”

Whilst all this has been going on, I had lost touch with ‘home’ news, so I undertook a quick scan to see what has been happening in the UK over the last few days. I deliberately avoided any and all references to coronavirus, as I have a good friend in Leicester and did not want to think about it. These were the headlines:

22 June 2020

Reading stabbing attack suspect Khairi Saadallah

[Comment: The one thing about the Old Normal that the New Normal cannot change]

26 June 2020

Three Londoners stabbed in Bournemouth beach brawl hours after ‘major incident’ declared

[Comment: Safer to be self-isolating]

Notting Hill: Police officers attacked at illegal street party

[Comment: Could it be the price of appeasement, ie softly, softly approach’ to statue-wrecking riots?]

Hero policeman David Whyte, 42, fights for his life after trying to tackle knifeman asylum seeker who stabbed six at Glasgow hotel

[Comment: Do I need to?]

27 June 2020

Bottles thrown at police as another London street party turns ugly

[Comment: As I said in my previous article ~ never give in to the demands …]

So there you have it. I could have read more, but that’s enough for one day.

Seventy-five years of progressive liberal values, and here we are …

How to tell The New Normal from your elbow

Published: 16 May 2020

It isn’t rocket science ~ it’s worse! The New Normal is The Totally Abnormal which is nothing like The Old Normal which once was just Normal but hasn’t been normal since Social Engineering. Think of it as Virtual Normality.

This article, which I am sure was titled a week ago ‘The New Normal’ is now ‘new measures’, which just goes to show how quickly The New Normal can mutate, a bit like … (sorry!)

Let’s look at what The New Normal (sorry ~ sorry for apologising; I’m beginning to sound like the UK police force or UK Police Forced {ie, as in forced into apologising}).

Let’s look at some of the salient points of the ‘new measures’* and see what we can make of them “Yippee, I’ve made a face mask out of it!”:

The New Normal

“Can I meet friends and relatives?”

Answer: Sadly, yes. But you can still be anti-social, as the rules state that you must keep 2 metres apart, which is bad news for the incestuous.

“The government has said it will impose higher fines for people who break social distancing rules.”

Note: But don’t worry, the police will no doubt be accused of fining you wrongly and nothing less than a written apology looks good in a frame on your living-room wall.

“Can I exercise more?”

A: You are probably hoping that the answer to this is no. But don’t worry, it’s so complicated that you couldn’t find a better excuse for not exercising at all, except, of course, for lockdown.

“Activities such as golf, angling and tennis are permitted, but only alone …”

Note: The idea of angling alone is absurd.

“If you do exercise with someone you don’t live with, remember social distancing rules still apply.”

Note: This is particularly important if the ‘someone you don’t live with’ is a euphemism along with ‘exercise’.

“Households are also able to drive to other destinations in England – such as parks and beaches. But they should not travel to Wales …”

Note: Phheeww, well that’s good news.

“Should I go back to my workplace and how will I get there?”

A: If your workplace has moved and you haven’t been told where, then you can safely assume that your employers are trying to tell you something.

“But the government says those who can’t work from home should travel to their work if it is open.”

A: And if it is not?

“What if I go into other people’s homes to work?”

A: If you are a career burglar the rules state that you should wear gloves as well a face mask.

“Can I move home?”

A: In theory yes, but you had better hurry up about it as estate agents are telling everyone that a housing crash is on its way. Strange that?

“Anyone who has already bought a new home can visit it to prepare it for moving in.”

Note: The opposite to this would be hard to get your head around.

“What about childminders, nannies and nurseries?”

A: Exactly!

“When will schools and universities return?”

A: To how they used to be before the other virus, the social one ~ which began shortly after WWII? Possibly never. It’s a controversial issue, but don’t worry you can bet that the Teacher’s Unions will make it simpler.

“Meanwhile, there is uncertainty over whether students will be able to go to university in person …”

Note: For many, this should improve their exam grades no end.

When can I go High Street shopping again?

A: It’s a difficult one, but when you understand when you can, then you can.

What about hairdressers, pubs and cafes?

A: Another difficult question to answer. And one to ponder on with unkempt hair, cheap plonk from Lidl’s and no full English breakfast.

What about flying into and out of the UK?

A: The question that makes self-isolating, lockdown, social distancing, wearing masks, staying alert and new normal irrelevant “. A two-week quarantine period for people arriving in the UK will be introduced.” (But nobody is saying when). “People from The Republic of Ireland and France will be exempt”. (Ahh, so they obviously haven’t got the virus). “If international travellers cannot say where they plan to self-isolate for 14 days, they will have to do so in accommodation arranged by the government.” (I see a ‘Rights’ problem brewing). “The trade body Airlines UK says the introduction of a quarantine-period would, in effect, ‘kill air travel’.” (R.I.P.). “All passengers are advised to remain 2m (6ft) apart wherever possible.” “Heathrow boss John Holland-Kaye says social distancing at airports is ‘physically impossible’. EasyJet has said it plans to leave middle seats empty, but Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary says this would be ‘idiotic’.” (An insane scream off stage …).

Coming soon, my next articles: How to kick the flying habit and save the world and Avoid beauty spots by going to Heacham or Skegness

Old measures, New Normal

Source of reference:
*https://www.bbc.com/news/explainers-52530518 (Accessed 16 May 2020)

Note: The information and opinions contained in this article ‘How to tell the new normal from your elbow’ are no substitute for commonsense. For information about What to Do & How to Go About It, consult government guidelines.

EXIT STRATEGY ~ Don’t leave home without one!