{"id":1325,"date":"2020-05-16T18:16:22","date_gmt":"2020-05-16T18:16:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/?p=1325"},"modified":"2020-05-16T18:16:37","modified_gmt":"2020-05-16T18:16:37","slug":"how-to-tell-the-new-normal-from-your-elbow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/how-to-tell-the-new-normal-from-your-elbow\/","title":{"rendered":"How to tell The New Normal from your elbow"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

How to tell The New Normal from your elbow<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Published: 16 May 2020<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It isn\u2019t rocket science ~ it\u2019s worse! The New Normal is The Totally Abnormal which is nothing like The Old Normal which once was just Normal but hasn\u2019t been normal since Social Engineering. Think of it as Virtual Normality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This article, which I am sure was titled a week ago \u2018The New Normal\u2019 is now \u2018new measures\u2019, which just goes to show how quickly The New Normal can mutate, a bit like \u2026 (sorry!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s look at what The New Normal (sorry ~ sorry for apologising; I\u2019m beginning to sound like the UK police force or UK Police Forced {ie, as in forced into apologising}).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s look at some of the salient points of the \u2018new measures\u2019* and see what we can make of them \u201cYippee, I\u2019ve made a face mask out of it!\u201d:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"How<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The New Normal<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan I meet friends and relatives?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Answer: Sadly, yes. But you can still be anti-social, as the rules state that you must keep 2 metres apart, which is bad news for the incestuous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe government has said it will impose higher fines for people who break social distancing rules.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: But don\u2019t worry, the police will no doubt be accused of fining you wrongly and nothing less than a written apology looks good in a frame on your living-room wall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan I exercise more?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: You are probably hoping that the answer to this is no. But don\u2019t worry, it\u2019s so complicated that you couldn\u2019t find a better excuse for not exercising at all, except, of course, for lockdown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cActivities such as golf, angling and tennis are permitted, but only alone \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: The idea of angling alone is absurd.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you do exercise with someone you don’t live with, remember social distancing rules still apply.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: This is particularly important if the \u2018someone you don\u2019t live with\u2019 is a euphemism along with \u2018exercise\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHouseholds are also able to drive to other destinations in England – such as parks and beaches. But they should not travel to Wales<\/strong> \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: Phheeww, well that\u2019s good news.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShould I go back to my workplace and how will I get there?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: If your workplace has moved and you haven\u2019t been told where, then you can safely assume that your employers are trying to tell you something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut the government says those who can’t work from home should travel to their work if it is open.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: And if it is not?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat if I go into other people’s homes to work?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: If you are a career burglar the rules state that you should wear gloves as well a face mask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan I move home?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: In theory yes, but you had better hurry up about it as estate agents are telling everyone that a housing crash is on its way. Strange that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnyone who has already bought a new home can visit it to prepare it for moving in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: The opposite to this would be hard to get your head around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat about childminders, nannies and nurseries?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: Exactly!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen will schools and universities return?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: To how they used to be before the other virus, the social one ~ which began shortly after WWII? Possibly never. It\u2019s a controversial issue, but don\u2019t worry you can bet that the Teacher\u2019s Unions will make it simpler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMeanwhile, there is uncertainty over whether students will be able to go to university in person \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: For many, this should improve their exam grades no end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When can I go High Street shopping again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: It\u2019s a difficult one, but when you understand when you can, then you can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What about hairdressers, pubs and cafes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: Another difficult question to answer. And one to ponder on with unkempt hair, cheap plonk from Lidl\u2019s and no full English breakfast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What about flying into and out of the UK?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: The question that makes self-isolating, lockdown, social distancing, wearing masks, staying alert and new normal irrelevant \u201c. A two-week quarantine period for people arriving in the UK will be introduced.\u201d (But nobody is saying when). \u201cPeople from The Republic of Ireland and France will be exempt\u201d. (Ahh, so they obviously haven\u2019t got the virus). \u201cIf international travellers cannot say where they plan to self-isolate for 14 days, they will have to do so in accommodation arranged by the government.\u201d (I see a \u2018Rights\u2019 problem brewing). \u201cThe trade body Airlines UK says the introduction of a quarantine-period would, in effect, \u2018kill air travel\u2019.\u201d (R.I.P.). \u201cAll passengers are advised to remain 2m (6ft) apart wherever possible.\u201d \u201cHeathrow boss John Holland-Kaye says social distancing at airports is \u2018physically impossible\u2019. EasyJet has said it plans to leave middle seats empty, but Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary says this would be \u2018idiotic\u2019.\u201d (An insane scream off stage \u2026).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coming soon, my next articles: How to kick the flying habit and save the world <\/em>and Avoid beauty spots by going to Heacham or Skegness<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Old<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Old measures, New Normal<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Source of reference:<\/strong>
*https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/news\/explainers-52530518<\/a> (Accessed 16 May 2020)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: The information and opinions contained in this article \u2018How to tell the new normal from your elbow\u2019 are no substitute for commonsense. For information about What to Do & How to Go About It, consult government guidelines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EXIT STRATEGY ~ Don’t leave home without one!<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2018-2020 Mick Hart. All rights reserved.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How to tell The New Normal from your elbow Published: 16 May 2020 It isn\u2019t rocket science ~ it\u2019s worse! The New Normal is The Totally Abnormal which is nothing like The Old Normal which once was just Normal but hasn\u2019t been normal since Social Engineering. Think of it as Virtual Normality. This article, which […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[69],"tags":[369,368,364,366,365],"class_list":["post-1325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meanwhile-in-the-uk","tag-avoid-beauty-spots-skegness","tag-flying-into-uk","tag-how-to-tell-the-new-normal-from-your-elbow","tag-uk-new-measures","tag-uk-new-normal"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1336,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/a-sorry-police-force\/","url_meta":{"origin":1325,"position":0},"title":"A Sorry Police Force","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"18 \u043c\u0430\u044f, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"The Sorry State We Live In Published: 18 May 2020 Saying sorry all the time, whatever the situation and mostly when it is not necessary is an occupational hazard of being British ~ legacy British that is. 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