{"id":4626,"date":"2021-09-07T19:04:11","date_gmt":"2021-09-07T19:04:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/?p=4626"},"modified":"2023-02-07T19:37:18","modified_gmt":"2023-02-07T17:37:18","slug":"how-to-grow-old-graciously","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/how-to-grow-old-graciously\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Grow Old Graciously"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Tums, bums and bald heads<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Thoughts inspired by my school reunion in 2021<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Published: 7 September 2021 ~ How to Grow Old Graciously<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the past week, I have been preoccupied with the 50th <\/sup>anniversary of my former UK school. The school opened officially on 6 September 1971, and I was among the first batch of inmates. To mark the occasion (not me having been there 50 years\u2019 ago but 50 years of the school\u2019s existence) a reunion had been planned to coincide with a book written by the school\u2019s first and longest serving headmaster, the book being an anthology of amusing anecdotes gleaned from his 25 years of tenure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although I would not be attending the reunion in person, owing to coronavirus restrictions and the global money-making industry that has sprung up around it in the form of multiple tests and fines for non-compliance, I did join the reunion\u2019s Facebook group to see if I could identify anyone by name or by photograph who was at the school at the same time that I was there. As I had been one of the school\u2019s first intake, I did not expect to find many people that I knew, and I was right. We were the vanguard, the founders, the golden oldies. There were many more who came after us. We were, inevitably, in the minority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nevertheless, as I scrolled down the page the odd photograph of people from \u2018my time\u2019 at the school and then the names of fellow pupils crossed my memory radar, and before long I was communicating with people that I had not spoken to for half a century.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having kept a diary for the same amount of time, I was able to regale group members and my fellow alumni by posting extracts from it, which, I was surprised to discover, were greeted and read with unbridled enthusiasm.  Within 15 minutes of posting, I was harvesting Facebook likes as if I had paid someone to make me look popular, and my computer was bonking, perhaps a better word would be bonging, like a cash register on Black Friday morning, alerting me to the fact that Facebook comments were flooding in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Mick
Mick Hart’s 1971 diary<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It was all nostalgic and all good, except for one peculiar facet. As the day of the reunion grew closer, a number of posts and comments began to appear in which the posters confessed that they were \u2018getting cold feet\u2019, in other words that they were having second thoughts about attending the reunion. The reason they gave was almost always the same: they were self-conscious that in the past 30, 40 or 50 years their appearance may have changed. Get away with you. Really!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more they whinged the more their former friends and colleagues rallied round and sort to comfort them, cajoling them to come to the reunion at all costs!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I could not help but wonder what the object of this exercise could be. If, for example, it was simply a way to solicit reassurance, you know the just-finished-exam patter, \u2018I did not do well in my exam, how did you do?\u2019, it seemed to me to be a rather cack-handed way of going about it. For if all they hoped to gain from their confessional was a sympathetic ear and the indulgence of their \u2018friends\u2019, surely if they then allowed themselves to be persuaded to attend the reunion, which I presume was what they wanted, then would not the revelations about their fears come back to bite them? Let\u2019s face it (no pun intended), online their former acquaintances may have been kindness personified but after that pot boiler (no pun intended) once offline what would they be thinking? Alas, Human Nature informs us that it would be something like this, \u201cTom so and so, or Sally such and such, must look a right old state. I cannot wait to clap eyes on them!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To draw a parallel, it is a little like telling everyone that you will becoming to the reunion wearing a big false nose, when the last thing that you want is for people to know that you are wearing a big false nose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naturally, when we go to reunions or even just bump into someone that we have not seen for yonks, being British we instinctively yearn to say the right thing, which is, and ironically is not, \u2018Hello Frankenstein, you haven\u2019t changed a bit!\u2019 Not many people cotton on to the fact that this seemingly innocent line, as over polished as a piece of trench art on an old lady\u2019s mantlepiece, is deliciously offensive, viz: \u201cHello Frank, you haven\u2019t changed a bit!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Response: \u201cReally, so what you are saying is that I always looked 65!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And off goes your old school chum, calling back at you, \u201cWe shouldn\u2019t leave it so long next time\u201d, whilst muttering, \u201cNever wouldn\u2019t be a day too soon!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To be honest, I cannot think of a better way of putting yourself under the microscope than by letting on that you are worried about your appearance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some people were obviously so convinced that they had changed beyond visible credibility and that as a result no one would recognise them that they had made name plates for themselves and hung them around their necks or pinned them to their shirts, which must have made them look very official indeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can only imagine how much worse it must have been for name-plate wearers to have recognised someone immediately who had not tagged himself or herself with their names, only to have that person peer studiously at their name plate and then look at their face with bewildered astonishment!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Obviously, with so many ex-pupils from so many different years milling around, name plates performed a valid function, but think how excellent it would have been to have swapped the name plates around a little, and then stood back to see how many people disingenuously greeted others with \u2018you haven\u2019t changed a bit, Tom\u2019, revealing that they didn\u2019t know Tom from Adam.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Grow Old Graciously<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

My youngest brother made no bones ~ old and aching bones ~ about the fact that one of the reasons he was going to the reunion was, apart from the legitimate one of looking up old friends, to spot the bulging tums, big bums, double chins, bald heads and grey beards. He omitted \u2018lines on the face like the British rail network\u2019, but I am sure if he had thought of it, he would have included it too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Indefensible? Inexcusable? Come now, let us not be hypocritical. I am sure there were many of you who were doing the self-same thing! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not expect there were many, however, if indeed any, who took this strategy to its next logical level, which is to have amused oneself by keeping a written record, something akin to a train-spotters’ notebook, to enable them to judge at a later date who had aged the least gracefully, ie possibly by using a point system to determine the size of bums and tums and the absence of hair on pates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unworthy, yes, perhaps, but I can think of a lot worse things to do on a Saturday afternoon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The point I am making is that whilst people do genuinely go to school reunions to rekindle relationships with their old chums, generally shoot the breeze and chat about old times, they also go for reassurance. By the time we start going to school reunions, any reunion in fact, we have usually arrived at an age of advanced deterioration and hope that by seeing someone we know who is more advanced than ourselves it will make us feel better about ourselves. There is nothing wrong in this, since, as everyone is at it, it falls ironically into the category of mutual appreciation ~ er, or should that be, mutual depreciation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps, that is why it is such a sod when you meet that one, really well-preserved person, and you have to say, begrudgingly, \u201cyou haven\u2019t changed a bit!\u201d And mean it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s face it, and I know we would rather not, it\u2019s life. And life is all about deteriorating and then, a bit later on, decomposing. Who sang, \u201cWhat is the use of trying the minute you\u2019re born your dying?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know it was Leonard Cohen who sang, \u201cWell, my friends are gone, and my hair is grey; I ache in the places where I used to play \u2026\u201d And \u201cWho in your merry, merry month of May; Who by very slow decay \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hmm, better Auld Lang Syne, me thinks!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The other reason for going to reunions is to discover who has made it and who has not. I mean apart from talent and brains, if we all went to the same school, it figures that we all started with the same hand, the hand that life has dealt us. Thus, whilst at the reunion, if you meet Jane, who wasn\u2019t academically the sharpest knife in the drawer but now has her own international fashion business with several shops sprinkled around the world, a large London town house, a villa in Spain, two beautiful children and, most likely given this profile, a husband who is a merchant banker (see cockney rhyming slang), whilst you have been sitting on the dole for the last 30 years nursing five A levels, you might not be too chuffed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, please, do not despair, help is at hand. It is called Bullshit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is not something that you can get O and A levels in, more\u2019s the pity or I would have got a PhD, but it is something with a little practice and resolution that you can perfect. So, before you go to your next reunion take a tip from me, re-invent yourself. Determine who you are, what has happened to you, where you have been and where you are going. You can still be you and be somebody else at the same time: you can be you and the you have always wanted to be.  Let\u2019s be honest, isn\u2019t that what most people do on social media, invent themselves and the world they live in? And, as almost everybody is on social media, then it follows that this is one skill that everyone possesses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may be a dustman, a drain cleaner or even, God forbid, a TV celebrity, whatever lowly station you hold in life, you can change all that, if only for one day! Say, for example, you are by nature a lazy, idle, layabout loafer, a ne\u2019er do well, no good no-hoper, so what of it! Hone your bullshitting skills and by the time you arrive at that next reunion you could be Bill Gates or someone infinitely worse. You could be so successful that you are envious of yourself! And filthy rich, or just plain filthy. Whatever it is you are selling, it\u2019s a way of buying respect!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Never lose sight of the fact, however, that when you are making your own reality, whatever you do in life, be it the \u2018real\u2019 one or the one that you have created, you really can change nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deterioration is the name of the game, and the game as we know it is life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A friend once said to me, when he was approaching 75 years of age, that he was driving along in his car when he saw his reflection in the rear-view mirror.  \u201cI\u2019d better call the police!\u201d he thought, \u201cSome old buggers just stolen my car.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or, to look at it from another perspective, at a funeral of a mutual friend, I said to one of the mourner\u2019s \u201cIt\u2019s a sad day,\u201d to which he philosophically replied: \u201cWell you can\u2019t stop it!\u201d meaning death. And, as a prelude to it, you can\u2019t stop the ageing process. So just keep slapping on that Oil of Ulay, doing those press ups, eating all of the right food and injecting yourself with Botox, then, when it all fails, sit back, put on Monty Python\u2019s Always look on the bright side of life<\/em> and have a good chuckle at yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is becoming an old fart really that bad? Yes, of course it is and more! But he who laughs last laughs longest, which is especially true when you laugh at yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Oldest Swinger in Town!<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Offstage: \u201cSo, Mick, why didn\u2019t you go to the reunion?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mick: \u201cAs I said, coronavirus restrictions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Offstage (sounding like Sergeant Wilson from Dad\u2019s Army<\/em>): \u201cHa! Ha! Oh yes, of course, coronavirus restrictions \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mick Hart’s Diary 2021<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2018-2023 Mick Hart. All rights reserved.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Image attribution:<\/strong>
Elderly man & clock: Openclipart<\/a> (https:\/\/publicdomainvectors.org\/en\/free-clipart\/Old-man-and-his-clock\/71948.html<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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The school opened officially on 6 September 1971, and I was among the first batch […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4631,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1366,6],"tags":[1610,1608,1606,141,1604,1609,1605,1607],"class_list":["post-4626","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-diary-2021","category-kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary","tag-creating-your-own-reality","tag-growing-old","tag-how-to-grow-old-graciously","tag-mick-harts-diary-2","tag-mick-harts-diary-1971","tag-reinventing-yourself","tag-school-reunion","tag-thoughts-inspired-by-school-reunion"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/oldmanandtheclock-1.jpg?fit=1280%2C1542&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":14379,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/mick-harts-diary\/","url_meta":{"origin":4626,"position":0},"title":"Mick Hart’s Diary One Day in Travel Trade Publishing","author":"Mick","date":"1 \u043c\u0430\u0440\u0442\u0430, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"15 May 1996 On recounting some of my experiences of working in the publishing industry, some wag asked, back in the 90s, \u201cSo, what are you going to do when you leave school?\u201d 1 March 2026 - Mick Hart's Diary One Day in Travel Trade Publishing The following diary extract\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Mick Hart's Diary 2026"","block_context":{"text":"Mick Hart's Diary 2026","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary\/mick-harts-diary-2026\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Mick Hart's Diaries 1996 notebooks","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/rz-Mick-Harts-Diaries-1990s-rotated.jpg?fit=900%2C1195&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/rz-Mick-Harts-Diaries-1990s-rotated.jpg?fit=900%2C1195&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/rz-Mick-Harts-Diaries-1990s-rotated.jpg?fit=900%2C1195&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/rz-Mick-Harts-Diaries-1990s-rotated.jpg?fit=900%2C1195&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14049,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/2025-that-was-the-year-that-was-uk-and-kaliningrad\/","url_meta":{"origin":4626,"position":1},"title":"2025 that was the year that was: UK and Kaliningrad","author":"Mick","date":"30 \u044f\u043d\u0432\u0430\u0440\u044f, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Mick Hart's 2025: a nostalgic review in photographs 30 January 2026 - 2025 that was the year that was: UK and Kaliningrad As the photographs immediately below illustrate, Kaliningrad has been and is experiencing a real winter this year. 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