{"id":7834,"date":"2022-11-15T19:33:43","date_gmt":"2022-11-15T17:33:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/?p=7834"},"modified":"2022-11-16T15:33:31","modified_gmt":"2022-11-16T13:33:31","slug":"how-to-blog-when-you-are-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/how-to-blog-when-you-are-not\/","title":{"rendered":"How to blog when you are not"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Why you must blog even if you don’t<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Published: 16 November 2022 ~ How to blog when you are not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not seen nor heard of since the last time I was seen and heard of, people have no idea why they are asking where is he, when, by all that was two and thruppence, I should be posting things to this blog. After all, you don\u2019t buy a blog and bark yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People are saying things and jumping to confusions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ms Nosepoke: \u201cHe hasn\u2019t posted anything since 18th<\/sup> October. If you ask me, he\u2019s up to no good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ms Nogood: \u201cWhat are you suggesting?!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ms Knowsitall: \u201cWhat the eye don’t see …”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMore tea vicar?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then there are the rumours; the dark and sinister rumours:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He turned gay and joined the BBC. He got himself a job with The Guardian<\/em> as Chief Wokesperson. He won the lottery and bought himself a beach hut in Brightlingsea (aah, how he remembers Lynn and that hot summer of 76!).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The media says (so it can\u2019t be true) that the sanctions worked (we know it\u2019s not true!). They forced his return to Devil\u2019s Island, where he is currently doing penance. Each time he goes to the supermarket, he carries with him an old lady\u2019s shopping bag and solemnly swears at checkout, \u201cNo, don\u2019t give me a carrier bag; the UK is saving the planet\u2019, even whilst its government, ignoring the needs of the NHS, continues to ship thousands of tons of ozone-depleting munitions to far-away lands at a time when the country\u2019s cost of living and inversely its standard of living are exploding and imploding respectively as if every day is November 5th<\/sup>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"How<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

He’s in the UK, there\u2019s no doubt about that! Someone who knows him, saw him. He has cunningly disguised himself as Lord Lucan. He was spotted in a Paki shop in Peterborough buying some UHU to hold his moustache in place and an overcoat to wear in bed! \u201cSuch selfishness! He always was a selfish man; a man of toxic masculine aspirations!\u201d (previous mother in law, twice rejected) \u201cAnd his poor, poor, neglected greenhouse tomatoes, what\u2019s left of them, shivering in that conservatory with ho heater to call their own, recalling at their tormented leisure the chilly and chilling maxim, \u2018politicians in glass Number 10s should never throw stones or tantrums !\u201d Poor Liz Truss, she never got the chance. No sooner on the inside than on the out, she was not in the glass house long enough to do any permanent damage: Smash! And now what has become of her? And what has become of the blogger?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We will accept a reward<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

His family, who are extremely concerned that he might come home, are offering a substantial reward, payable to them, from anyone who has any information pertaining to his whereabouts and who hasn\u2019t got the decency to keep it to themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Retired police officer Superintendent Clampit, from the City of Armston, warns that anyone discovered not to be withholding vital information about his whathaveyous will be subject to the full and most serious rigours that the law can implement, and, on conviction, which will never happen as the police are far too busy arresting people for allergic reactions to Liberal (I heard it on the Grapevine) Jeremy, could face five years in Vine Street Prison or be sentenced to a lifetime\u2019s subscription to The Guardian<\/em>, whichever of the two is perceived to be the most terrible, vile and odious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lifetime friend, Professor Toalbucket, who met him yesterday, but don\u2019t know where, don\u2019t know when, had this to say: \u201cIt\u2019s all so peculiar!\u201d And after a moment\u2019s reflection: \u201cIt don\u2019t make sense!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to blog without heating<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The missing blogger’s neighbour saw him in the garden once. He was going back into the house. This did not stop him wondering, however, why a man who to all intents and purposes was a born-again extrovert but hardly ever went out was where he was when he should have been blogging. His neighbour had an awful lot to say on the subject but, being Russian, he would keep talking in his own language in spite of attempts by trillionaire string pullers of western-leaders to cancel Russian culture. Since sanctioned, he no longer has access to things that he never knew he had and didn\u2019t need, but he knows that he has a lot of gas and he\u2019ll use it to heat his house this winter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"How<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

One theory is that the blogger has stopped posting because he hasn\u2019t posted anything recently; another that he might have posted in invisible ink; and yet another ~ conceding that the previous two are as silly as a country that fills its hotels with thousands of migrants at a cost of millions each day (Are you a politician or a politician\u2019s friend who owns or has a stake in a string of British hotels?!) ~ that he may in fact still be posting but posting surreptitiously using a false identity and assumed name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Someone, someone who makes money out of things that have no relevance to the real world, has suggested that he could be posting in an esoteric way, such as posting somewhere in a parallel universe or at an earlier time in his life, when, for example, he was at school, in those inconceivably terrible days before internet and arsephones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chrystal Bollocks, YouTube\u2019s Number One snake-oil salesperson, called upon her disciples, the gullible and emotionally vulnerable, to tune into her latest meditative video, and there, amongst the postsynch sounds of tinkling tubes, tiny bells and dubbed-on heavenly choirs, in a husky half-monotone whisper (barely audible above the \u2018oohs\u2019 and \u2018ahhs) she pulled the answer to this and to everything else in the Uniperverse, as if it was rabbit pure and simple, out of her magician\u2019s hat. We are so lucky, don’t you think, that we live in an age where, without recourse to qualifications, nuisance of track record or the inconvenience of credible reason, we are blessed with so many experts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Mystic<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is better to be trapped inside the mind of some meditating monk or stuck in Dr Who\u2019s wardrobe with a gaggle of prissy old BBC wokists, it is widely believed, from one end of Hackney to the other, that he will just turn up like a bad Rupee. Some say that he should have stuck to the straight and narrow; others that he did, but it sent him round the bend and then, with the full complicity of the French Government, across the Channel to Blighty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Dover Port Police, acting on information received by George Sorryarse, have already launched several more boats to ferry migrants freely across the Channel. At the same time, they are conducting a dinghy-by-dinghy search.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Should, during the course of this extensive operation, it be discovered that he has concealed himself among the deserving illegals, make no mistake, said a Labour MP, we shall turf him out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe simply won\u2019t tolerate English people wanting to live in their own country!\u201d said a spokesvestite from the Home Office. (Patriots live in hope that one day they will rename this department the Go Home Office and that once renamed it will at last succeed in performing the vital function for which British taxpayers’ money funds it, namely to \u2018send the buggers back home!\u2019. Anything less than this should immediately see the department renamed in the spirit by which it is highly regarded, in other words the Home Orifice.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBugger!\u201d his kindly uncle retorted, inspired to do so by some word or other he’d see in print recently: \u201cHe wouldn\u2019t come looking for me so why should I go looking for him!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asked to comment on his whereabouts, all his old university tutor was willing to say was (He had a wry smile upon his face when he said it): \u201cOne can only hope that he doesn\u2019t end up like his favourite author, Edgar Allan Poe, paralytic, face down in the gutter, garbed in somebody else\u2019s clothes \u2026 mind you, if my memory serves me right, it wouldn\u2019t be the first time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Someone with his mind so thoroughly grounded in the mundane and his logic so infused with and underwritten by commonsense that it couldn\u2019t possibly do him any good had the impertinence to suggest that his whereabouts is Kaliningrad, and that, having recently returned from a sojourn in his native country, England, he is preoccupied with solving the question \u2018Is Bedford UK Worth Visiting?\u2019 And that once he has answered this question to the accord and dictates of his own satisfaction, he will post his response forthwith. Even bloggers take holidays, this venerable person ventured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He was immediately slammed a conspiracy theorist and has had his culture cancelled!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Image attributions<\/strong>
Man holding display board: https:\/\/publicdomainvectors.org\/en\/free-clipart\/Person-holding-a-blank-sign\/17990.html<\/a>
Billboard: https:\/\/publicdomainvectors.org\/en\/free-clipart\/Highway-sign-board\/51700.html<\/a>
Shopping bag with holes: https:\/\/publicdomainvectors.org\/en\/free-clipart\/No-shopping-vector-symbol\/3225.html<\/a>
Fortune teller: https:\/\/publicdomainvectors.org\/en\/free-clipart\/Fortuneteller\/43835.html<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2018-2022 Mick Hart. All rights reserved.<\/strong><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why you must blog even if you don’t Published: 16 November 2022 ~ How to blog when you are not Not seen nor heard of since the last time I was seen and heard of, people have no idea why they are asking where is he, when, by all that was two and thruppence, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7862,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1779,6],"tags":[2024,435,2025,1404,2023,1406,55,1839],"class_list":["post-7834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-diary-2022","category-kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary","tag-charalatan-mystics","tag-englishman-in-kaliningrad-russia","tag-holiday-in-uk","tag-how-russophobia-makes-the-west-look-silly","tag-how-to-blog","tag-is-the-west-becoming-more-silly","tag-mick-hart-in-kaliningrad","tag-why-does-the-west-want-to-cancel-russian-culture"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/A-BLOG-POST.png?fit=1280%2C1810&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":10061,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/kaliningrad-victory-square-flowers-of-condolence\/","url_meta":{"origin":7834,"position":0},"title":"Kaliningrad Victory Square Flowers of Condolence","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"24 \u043c\u0430\u0440\u0442\u0430, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"24 March 2024 National Day of Mourning 24 March 2024 ~ Kaliningrad Victory Square Flowers of Condolence Yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin declared 24 March to be a national day of mourning. 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In my absence, someone has nipped off with three-quarters of the House of\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Kaliningrad: Mick Hart's Diary"","block_context":{"text":"Kaliningrad: Mick Hart's Diary","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kaliningrad House of Soviets Kaliningrad","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/House-of-Soviets-min.jpg?fit=675%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/House-of-Soviets-min.jpg?fit=675%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/House-of-Soviets-min.jpg?fit=675%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6451,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/9th-of-may-kaliningrad\/","url_meta":{"origin":7834,"position":2},"title":"Triumph and Trips on the 9th of May Kaliningrad","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"15 \u043c\u0430\u044f, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Celebrating Victory Day across the Kaliningrad region Published: 15 May 2022 ~ Triumph and Trips on the 9th of May Kaliningrad The weather was so gorgeous on this year\u2019s 9th of May morning and there was so much of it, that I thought it must have been something the West\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Diary 2022"","block_context":{"text":"Diary 2022","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary\/diary-2022\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Olga Hart Kaliningrad with Mystery Military Vehicle","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Olga-Hart-Soviet-Military-Vehicle.jpg?fit=1200%2C554&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Olga-Hart-Soviet-Military-Vehicle.jpg?fit=1200%2C554&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Olga-Hart-Soviet-Military-Vehicle.jpg?fit=1200%2C554&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Olga-Hart-Soviet-Military-Vehicle.jpg?fit=1200%2C554&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Olga-Hart-Soviet-Military-Vehicle.jpg?fit=1200%2C554&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8129,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/kaliningrad-retro-car-club-in-a-festive-mood\/","url_meta":{"origin":7834,"position":3},"title":"Kaliningrad Retro Car Club in a Festive Mood","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"25 \u0434\u0435\u043a\u0430\u0431\u0440\u044f, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"In the club on Christmas Eve Published: 25 December 2022 ~ Kaliningrad Retro Car Club in a Festive Mood A big thank you to Inara and Arthur for inviting me to the Kaliningrad Retro Car Club end-of-year party last night and to the members of the club for making me\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Diary 2022"","block_context":{"text":"Diary 2022","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary\/diary-2022\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kaliningrad Retro Car Club group photo Christmas Eve 2022","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/Group-Photo-Kaliningrad-Retro-Car-Club-Party-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/Group-Photo-Kaliningrad-Retro-Car-Club-Party-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/Group-Photo-Kaliningrad-Retro-Car-Club-Party-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/Group-Photo-Kaliningrad-Retro-Car-Club-Party-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/Group-Photo-Kaliningrad-Retro-Car-Club-Party-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7068,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/alena-kravchenko-photos-1940s-english-home-in-kaliningrad\/","url_meta":{"origin":7834,"position":4},"title":"Alena Kravchenko Photos 1940s’ English Home in Kaliningrad","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"26 \u0438\u044e\u043b\u044f, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Alena Kravchenko writes about her love for photography and a past project in the present Published: 26 July 2022 ~ Alena Kravchenko Photos 1940s' English Home in Kaliningrad About Alena Kravchenko, Professional Photographer Alena Kravchenko: I have been interested in photography for as long as I can remember. It began\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Diary 2022"","block_context":{"text":"Diary 2022","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary\/diary-2022\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Alena Kravchenko Photographer, Kaliningrad","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Alena-2.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Alena-2.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Alena-2.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Alena-2.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Alena-2.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14049,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/2025-that-was-the-year-that-was-uk-and-kaliningrad\/","url_meta":{"origin":7834,"position":5},"title":"2025 that was the year that was: UK and Kaliningrad","author":"Mick","date":"30 \u044f\u043d\u0432\u0430\u0440\u044f, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Mick Hart's 2025: a nostalgic review in photographs 30 January 2026 - 2025 that was the year that was: UK and Kaliningrad As the photographs immediately below illustrate, Kaliningrad has been and is experiencing a real winter this year. 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