{"id":787,"date":"2020-03-15T17:19:53","date_gmt":"2020-03-15T17:19:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/?p=787"},"modified":"2020-03-15T17:22:48","modified_gmt":"2020-03-15T17:22:48","slug":"panic-buying-shelves-empty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/panic-buying-shelves-empty\/","title":{"rendered":"Panic Buying Shelves Empty"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Talking Wollocks<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

15 March 2020<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Has the outbreak and relentless progression of coronavirus\nchanged your routine? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It has changed mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I sit here in Kaliningrad, Russia, and every morning\nfirst thing I flick through Google News to see what is happening COVID-19 wise\nin the UK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So far, we have had two confirmed cases of coronavirus\nin the Kaliningrad region and, as far as I can tell, everyone appears to be\ngoing about their daily life much the same as usual. Of course, all that could\nchange\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The London Pub, Kaliningrad<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The one exception I noted was during a recent visit to\nthe London Pub ~ a bar\/restaurant\/nightclub the theme of which as the name\nsuggests is London pub oriented.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the first time in Kaliningrad, I was witness to\nthe peculiar spectacle of people wearing face masks. The London Pub is under\nnew management  and all the waiters and\nwaitresses, every one equipped with a face mask, are uniformly dressed in black\ntrousers (short black skirt if you are female), white evening shirt with winged\ncollar, black bow tie and a black bowler hat. Add the face mask and the effect\nis even more surreal. The more I drank the more convinced I became that I was\non the set of the 1960s\u2019 TV series The Avengers<\/em>, or was it Clockwork\nOrange<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Lord
Wollocks: ‘We’re all in the same boat, but some are travelling first class!’<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Panic buying empty shelves in the UK<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The very next day I telephoned an old chum of mine,\nLord Aristotle Wollocks, founder and Chairman of Wollocks & Co (Supermarket\nConsultants), former heir to a newspaper magnate\u2019s empire, to see what his\nreaction was to the ongoing coronavirus situation in my native country. I was\nparticularly interested in what he had to say about the sudden onset of panic\nbuying and the alarming phenomenon of empty shelves in supermarkets.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aristotle (as his name suggests) is a trifle\neccentric. We first met during my time as an antique dealer; we were both\nbidding on the same item, a portfolio of letters by Ronnie Kray. Needless to\nsay, Wealth won the day, as it always does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aristotle\u2019s house is a cornucopia of antiques, vintage curios and relics. He is a man who has everything but cannot find anything, which is difficult whenever you telephone him because his 1920s\u2019 candlestick phone is often not always to hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As usual, it took several attempts before he could\nfind the phone to answer it, but eventually there he was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWollocks here!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We had not spoken for several months, so there were a\nfew platitudes to attend to, such as how is Putin and have you sat down with\nhim for a glass of vodka in the Kremlin yet, before we got down to business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wanted to know, primarily, if things were as bad in\nthe UK as posts on social media made out, specifically whether there was any\ntruth in the rumours that panic buying had decimate offerings in our\nsupermarkets and that UK citizens as a result were having to go without\nsausages and were using The Guardian<\/em> in place of bog rolls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Guardian<\/em>,\u201d snorted Wollocks, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t\nuse that on your a..e let alone mine!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You must remember that Wollocks went to Eton.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I pushed him once again for a sensible answer on the\nalleged deprivation in the UK as a consequence of panic buying and empty\nsupermarket shelves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said he, emphatically: \u201cNow look here \u2026\u201d He invariable\nstarts his sentences this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNow look here. Whether it is true that supermarket\nshelves are empty or not is hardly relevant. Of course, in a climate of panic\nsuch as this you must expect a certain level of exploitation in every sphere of\ninfluence, be it political, economic, commercial \u2026\u201d He droned on. \u201cNaturally,\nthe less scrupulous but more entrepreneurial will make gains at others\u2019\nexpense, and you have to make allowances for captains of commerce taking full\nadvantage of any commercial opportunity that the wind of misfortune ~ that is,\nof course, the misfortune of others ~ blow their way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou mean profiteering?\u201d I ventured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAhh, well,\u201d Wollocks guffawed, \u201cprofiteering to you\nperhaps, but for the sake of argument ~ and please, Michael (he always calls me\nthat; Mick is too working class for him) don\u2019t argue with me ~ let\u2019s say good\nbusiness sense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo, what you are saying is that the supermarkets are\nemptying the shelves themselves, in effect creating the illusion of shortage,\nand with the help of the media and the Twitterartie, catalysing panic buying?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat I am saying is that the bods that run the large\nsupermarket chains are businessmen, Michael, monied people, people who are\nversed in the strategies to drive meaningful and profitable sales growth \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He paused, waiting for me to comment, but when I\nrefrained from doing so, carried on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Panic buying in UK shelves empty<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf supermarket shelves are being emptied then the\ngovernment must impose rationing, as it did in the Second World War. It won\u2019t\nbe easy, especially for the young generation to accept because they have not\nexperienced the hardships that our fathers and grandfathers suffered, but it\nwould certainly cure the pig-trough mentality.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut what about Rights<\/em>?\u201d I protested.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNow look here, Michael, don\u2019t try goading me. There\nare no such things as \u2018rights\u2019, you know that, and had there ever been they\ncertainly have no place here and neither does entitlement.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEntitlement? No one is entitled to anything.\nCoronavirus doesn\u2019t care who or what you are. You just are and it just is!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUnless you are one of the privileged wealthy and then\nyou either head to your disaster bunker or use the antidote.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo, it\u2019s true what they say about it being\nperson-made!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDon\u2019t get PC with me Michael! Man-made? Ha! Just\nchecking to see if you are a conspiracy theorist as well as a defector!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He paused whilst he lit a cigar. Aristotle never\nsmoked in his life until, he said, the non-smoking zealots banned it. Now he\nsmokes religiously, especially when he is fox hunting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBy the way,\u201d he continued, \u201cI\u2019m not saying that there\nis an antidote but you could do worse than eat a giant bowl of muesli soaked in\napple juice with half a grape fruit ~ yellow grapefruit, mind ~ each and every\nmorning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHmm, don\u2019t you have substantial shares in the muesli,\napple juice and grapefruit markets \u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He cut me short: \u201cYellow grapefruit, Michael, yellow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut what of entitlement?\u201d I asked impatiently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAhh, yes. Well to understand that you must about turn\nto postwar Britain and the we\u2019ve \u2018never had it so good\u2019 slogan. You could say,\nand I do, that we\u2019ve had it too<\/em> good, and certainly too easy. Take the\npresent generation, for example, dubbed by the media the \u2018Entitled Generation\u2019.\nNot that I trust anything the UK media says. Dammit, I should know, my family\nowned most of it, but the fact remains that today\u2019s generation knows as much\nabout reality as a Liberal  ~ which most\nof them are, God help them!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPlease go on.\u201d He did not need encouraging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cComputer games, mobile phones, obsessing with Twatter\nand Arsebook, this isn\u2019t life. Life is red in tooth and claw.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, crises like these always bring out the bad in\nsome \u2014\u201d I conciliated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd the good in others,\u201d he concluded. \u201cThe \u2018every\nman for himself siege mentality\u2019 has to be discouraged and the \u2018coming together\nto help each other\u2019 sense of camaraderie encouraged.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA backs-to-the-wall philosophy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be facetious, Michael. Hmmm. Backs to the wall,\nI remember when I was at Eton …\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c[cough] You were saying?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI am saying that this would be a great opportunity\nfor people, especially young people, to stop worrying about how to disinfect\ntheir mobile phones and look to the spade and trowel \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Spade & Trowel,\u201d I interrupted, \u201cis that a\npub?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, Michael it is not. I mean, of course, that they should take up gardening. The government should implement a drive towards self-sufficiency, reviving the posters of old, not only the much-exploited Keep Calm & Carry on, but Dig for Victory, Allotments for the Unemployed ~ especially Allotments for the Unemployed ~ and Make Do & Mend.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
  • \"\"<\/figure><\/li>
  • \"\"<\/figure><\/li><\/ul><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cMake Do & Mend, so you think that Coronavirus may\nwear out our clothes?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cWell, it\u2019s certainly putting a lot of strain on\nunderpants! Ha! Ha! Did I say stain? Ha! Ha! No, but a home course whilst\nself-isolating on how to repair your face mask or making do with two sides of\ntoilet roll instead of one would be inspirational, not to mention useful for\nthe masses whilst in lockdown.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYour last word on the topic is, then?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Silly expression for me to use. Wollocks, after all,\nis a member of the House of Lords (which he fondly refers to as the House of\nWhores), perhaps one of the few True Blues remaining.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cTimes of national crisis ~ we can forget about what\nis happening elsewhere ~ brings out both the good and bad in people in equal\nmeasure, and a little deprivation at supermarket level is just the thing that\nis needed to replace selfishness with selflessness. It can work to bring back a\nmuch-needed sense of propriety, to rebuild the national character morally\ndemolished by seventy years or more of so-called liberal progressiveness. It\nis, in short, a wonderful opportunity for the current generation to earn the\nentitlement to which they feel so entitled.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Panic buying shelves empty<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    More views on empty supermarket shelves and panic buying in the UK can be found in chapter 7 \u2018Coping with Coronavirus\u2019 in Sir Aristotle Wollocks\u2019 book, We are fighting a war on human nature<\/em>, available at all fire stations, police stations and post offices, which are now somewhere else, such as in chemists, book and pet shops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Copyright \u00a9 2018-2020 Mick Hart. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Talking Wollocks 15 March 2020 Has the outbreak and relentless progression of coronavirus changed your routine? It has changed mine. I sit here in Kaliningrad, Russia, and every morning first thing I flick through Google News to see what is happening COVID-19 wise in the UK. So far, we have had two confirmed cases of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[196,197,198,195],"class_list":["post-787","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meanwhile-in-the-uk","tag-panic-buying-uk","tag-shelves-empty","tag-supermarket-shelves-empty","tag-uk-panic-buying-shelves-empty"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":800,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/self-isolating-in-kaliningrad\/","url_meta":{"origin":787,"position":0},"title":"Self-isolating in Kaliningrad","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"17 \u043c\u0430\u0440\u0442\u0430, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Self-isolating in Kaliningrad Published: 17 March 2020 With no broadcast TV, no social media accounts, no newspapers and trying to ween myself off Google News, I was, as the lyrics say, \u201cHappy in the haze of a drunken hour \u2026\u201d, until, that is, our neighbour asked my wife, in the\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "DAILY LIFE in KALININGRAD"","block_context":{"text":"DAILY LIFE in KALININGRAD","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/daily-life-in-kaliningrad\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Vodka-Medicine-Use-Use-resized.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Vodka-Medicine-Use-Use-resized.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Vodka-Medicine-Use-Use-resized.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Vodka-Medicine-Use-Use-resized.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1213,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/uk-coronavirus-hypochondria-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":787,"position":1},"title":"UK Coronavirus Hypochondria Day","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"3 \u043c\u0430\u044f, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"It\u2019s a great time to be a hypochondriac It was reported today in The Indefensible that the British Government is considering introducing a new public holiday. 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