{"id":9424,"date":"2023-10-12T20:14:57","date_gmt":"2023-10-12T18:14:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/?p=9424"},"modified":"2023-11-02T14:23:06","modified_gmt":"2023-11-02T12:23:06","slug":"kaliningrad-toilet-door-is-a-thing-of-beauty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/kaliningrad-toilet-door-is-a-thing-of-beauty\/","title":{"rendered":"Kaliningrad Toilet Door is a thing of Beauty"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Sponsored by Mick Hart<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

12 October 2023 ~ Kaliningrad Toilet Door is a thing of Beauty<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Has it ever crossed your mind that one day you might be famous and, if so, in what capacity? Many dream of fame when they are young at a time when the reason is unimportant. This is one of youth\u2019s luxuries: the dream of fame for fame itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But fame can strike at any time, when you least expect it, in the most unexpected way and for the most unexpected reasons. Take me [Frank Zappa: \u201cTake me, I\u2019m yours \u2026\u201d], for example, how could I have possibly predicted twenty years ago, when I was 14\ud83d\ude42, that fate would have me knock on the door of fame, or would have had me knock on the door of fame had there been a door to knock on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I was young, I staked my claim to fame, or so I would have them believe, on the publication of my first toilet wall. What an imagination! Yet even I, as fanciful as I was, could never have envisioned that it was not a wall but a toilet door that one day would consign me to the annals of posterity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can hear you asking, although you are rather faint, how such an extraordinary set of circumstances ever came to be and, considering its phenomenal nature, have I thought of contacting The<\/em> Guinness Book of Records<\/em>? Answer, in reverse order, I shall wait for them to contact me, but, whilst we wait in suspense together, the very least I can do is let you in on the noble act to which my fame is owed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kaliningrad Toilet Door<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Not so long ago, the president of the Kaliningrad Auto Retro Club acquired a property which the club could use as a base for its activities and as a classic car museum. An historically interesting building, which, in the days of German K\u00f6nigsberg, had been used as an aircraft parts repository for Hermann G\u00f6ring\u2019s Luftwaffe, it was otherwise perfect in every sense for what the club required, except in one respect ~ an important one, I thought. For this public venue where people would meet, attend lectures, be taken on tours and, if they so desired, could hire for private parties was lacking in one essential ~ it had no toilet door!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is monumentally inconceivable that during the Third Reich\u2019s reign the bog in the Luftwaffe building would have been doorless. I have it from a reliable source, a man who\u2019s devoted his life to toilets ~ he majored in them at Cambridge ~ that, to quote his words verbatim, \u201cThey made very good doors those Germans did, and very good toilet doors!\u201d We are left to conclude, therefore, that in the days when defeat was imminent, as well as destroying their vital papers, either the Germans destroyed the toilet door or hid it where no one could find it. We cannot put it past them. It is a typical Gerry trick, I\u2019d say; the sort of thing they went round doing just to be awkward and spiteful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, to give credit where credit is due, the fact that the door was missing had not escaped the notice of the club. And it was patently clear to everyone that something had to be done about it, not the absence of German decorum but the absent toilet door. Then came the question, what exactly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Mick
In the Club<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

As with all complex organisations presided over by reams of committees, reliant on detailed reports from antithetical think tanks and subject to the dislocation of interdepartmental interests, the Kaliningrad Auto Retro Club faced a difficult dilemma. The knock-on effect, or no knock-on effect, as there was nothing to rap one\u2019s knuckles on, of having no door to your toilet became one of those gritty [spelling correct] seemingly endless issues, destined to be shuffled about from one desk to another, until at last worn down and out by the suspenseful acrobatics of over-careful toilet timing, it fell on me, to coin a phrase, to roll out an initiative. \u201cWhy don\u2019t I buy a door,” I said, “and have someone fill the hole with it!\u201d The motion was passed unanimously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Job done, you think. I can tell you that it wasn\u2019t. Where would we find that fix-it person now Jim was no longer with us. He fixed a lot of things did Jim, including over-generous posthumous payouts for a herd of out-of-the-woodwork women now minted in their retirement years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When, at last, we did find someone ~ and, of course, at last we did ~ it felt like every toilet trouble wherever it was in the world was nought but a poof in the wind. The handyman he fitted the door quicker than Brand got fitted up ~ he certainly knew his angles from his elbows ~ and before you could say \u2018engaged\u2019 or \u2018vacant\u2019 or ‘here’s another perfect example of a bum-wrap by the leftist state\u2019, the club was no longer one door short of a toilet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of you may feel that the saga of our toilet door was all a storm in a Portacabin, whilst the rather less polite amongst you might think it a load of c..p! And I am willing to concede that some of the visitors to the club may miss the thrill of sitting there whilst a friend or colleague stands guard for them, but I have to say from my point of view, it all looked rather cheeky. Bringing a bottle to an event is something not unheard of, but come on, really, deary, deary me, bring your own toilet door! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the intelligence of my philanthropy leaked out far and wide, eventually reaching St Petersburg, my friend and colleague, Yury Grosmani, writer, author, journalist and latterly film producer, flushed with excitement at the news, immediately reached for his keyboard and wrote this moving tribute to me, which he posted on VK:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0412\u043e\u043e\u0431\u0449\u0435, \u043c\u0443\u0437\u0435\u0439 \u0431\u0435\u0437 \u0442\u0443\u0430\u043b\u0435\u0442\u0430, \u0430 \u0440\u0430\u0432\u043d\u043e \u043a\u0430\u043a \u0438 \u043c\u0443\u0437\u0435\u0439 \u0441 \u0442\u0443\u0430\u043b\u0435\u0442\u043e\u043c, \u043d\u043e \u0431\u0435\u0437 \u0434\u0432\u0435\u0440\u0438, \u0437\u0430\u0432\u0435\u0434\u0435\u043d\u0438\u0435 \u0430\u0431\u0441\u043e\u043b\u044e\u0442\u043d\u043e  \u0431\u0435\u0441\u043f\u0435\u0440\u0441\u043f\u0435\u043a\u0442\u0438\u0432\u043d\u043e\u0435. \u041e\u0447\u0435\u043d\u044c \u043f\u0440\u0438\u044f\u0442\u043d\u043e, \u0447\u0442\u043e \u0438\u0437\u0432\u0435\u0441\u0442\u043d\u044b\u0439 \u0436\u0443\u0440\u043d\u0430\u043b\u0438\u0441\u0442, \u043f\u0438\u0441\u0430\u0442\u0435\u043b\u044c, \u0430 \u0442\u0435\u043f\u0435\u0440\u044c \u043c\u044b \u0443\u0436\u0435 \u0437\u043d\u0430\u0435\u043c, \u0447\u0442\u043e \u0438 \u043a\u0438\u043d\u043e\u0430\u043a\u0442\u0435\u0440,  \u041c\u0438\u043a \u0425\u0430\u0440\u0442, \u0432\u044b\u0441\u0442\u0443\u043f\u0438\u043b \u0441\u043f\u043e\u043d\u0441\u043e\u0440\u043e\u043c \u0442\u0430\u043a\u043e\u0433\u043e \u0432\u0430\u0436\u043d\u043e\u0433\u043e, \u043d\u0443\u0436\u043d\u043e\u0433\u043e \u0438 \u0431\u043b\u0430\u0433\u043e\u0440\u043e\u0434\u043d\u043e\u0433\u043e \u0434\u0435\u043b\u0430. \u0422\u0435\u043f\u0435\u0440\u044c \u043c\u0443\u0437\u0435\u0439 \u0410\u0432\u0442\u043e\u0420\u0435\u0442\u0440\u043e\u041a\u043b\u0443\u0431\u0430 \u0438\u043c\u0435\u0435\u0442 \u043d\u0430 \u043e\u0434\u043d\u043e \u043f\u0440\u0435\u0438\u043c\u0443\u0449\u0435\u0441\u0442\u0432\u043e \u0431\u043e\u043b\u044c\u0448\u0435, \u0447\u0435\u043c \u0441\u0430\u043c\u044b\u0435 \u0438\u0437\u0432\u0435\u0441\u0442\u0435\u044b\u0435 \u043c\u0443\u0437\u0435\u0438 \u043c\u0438\u0440\u0430. \u041d\u0430\u043f\u0440\u0438\u043c\u0435\u0440, \u043d\u0430 \u0434\u0432\u0435\u0440\u044f\u0445 \u0442\u0443\u0430\u043b\u0435\u0442\u0430  \u0411\u0440\u0438\u0442\u0430\u043d\u0441\u043a\u043e\u0433\u043e \u043c\u0443\u0437\u0435\u044f \u0442\u0430\u043a\u043e\u0439 \u0442\u0430\u0431\u043b\u0438\u0447\u043a\u0438 \u043d\u0435\u0442. \u041b\u0438\u0447\u043d\u043e \u043f\u043e\u0434\u0442\u0432\u0435\u0440\u0436\u0434\u0430\u044e! \u0410 \u0443 \u043d\u0430\u0441 \u043e\u043d\u0430 \u0435\u0441\u0442\u044c! \u041f\u0435\u0440\u0435\u0434\u0430\u044e \u0441\u043b\u043e\u0432\u0430 \u043e\u0433\u0440\u043e\u043c\u043d\u043e\u0439 \u0431\u043b\u0430\u0433\u043e\u0434\u0430\u0440\u043d\u043e\u0441\u0442\u0438 \u043c\u043e\u0435\u043c\u0443 \u0434\u0440\u0443\u0433\u0443 \u0438 \u043a\u043e\u043b\u043b\u0435\u0433\u0435 \u041c\u0418\u041a\u0423 \u0425\u0410\u0420\u0422\u0423 \ud83c\uddec\ud83c\udde7\ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udc4d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And now in English:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c [computer translation] In general, a museum without a toilet, as well as a museum with a toilet, but without a door, is an absolutely hopeless establishment. I am very pleased that the famous journalist, writer, and now we already know that film actor, Mick Hart, sponsored for such an important, necessary and noble cause. Now the AutoRetroClub Museum has one more advantage compared to the most famous museums in the world. For example, there is no such sign on the toilet doors of the British Museum. I personally confirm! And we do have it! I convey my deep gratitude to my friend and colleague MICK HART \ud83c\uddec\ud83c\udde7\ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udc4d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether I fully deserve this accolade, I will leave that up to you decide. As for the British Museum\u2019s pitifully Mick Hart plaqueless status, there may be some truth in this; I can neither confirm nor deny. But should that august establishment ever find itself taken short by the urgent need to have one, then I\u2019m the man for their big job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For my own part, now that the door is up and the paperwork is done, I am happy to rest on my laurels, content in the certain knowledge that although my simple toilet door has not converted this lowly loo into anything close to a cistern chapel, it fulfils the function, as nature intended, to stop the things that shouldn\u2019t come out from coming out of the closet. Small things in life, perhaps, but if by my private motion I have achieved some good in the public realm and in the process of doing so prevented the club\u2019s reputation from hitting the skids big time and going down the pan, then per angusta ad augusta<\/em>. It is just something we often say (as well as going ‘ahhh’) in the world of toilet-door sponsorship!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: The door sponsored by Mick Hart is available for viewing, and not least using, at the Kaliningrad Auto Retro Club Museum. To avoid disappointment, advanced booking is advisable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2018-2023 Mick Hart. All rights reserved.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some other stuff without toilet doors in them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Three Kaliningrad Babushkas in a Bread Shop<\/a>
Panic Buying, Shelves Empty<\/a>
Tracking World Vaccination with the Prickometer<\/a>
Harry & Meghan the sad case of d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sponsored by Mick Hart 12 October 2023 ~ Kaliningrad Toilet Door is a thing of Beauty Has it ever crossed your mind that one day you might be famous and, if so, in what capacity? Many dream of fame when they are young at a time when the reason is unimportant. This is one of 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Published: 31 May 2021 We had just left a bumpy, pot-holed back road and re-joined the main highway. Our driver throttled back. \u201cIn a modern car such bends are OK,\u201d he said, \u201cbut in\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Diary 2021"","block_context":{"text":"Diary 2021","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/kaliningrad-mick-harts-diary\/diary-2021\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Mick Hart & Yury Grozmani with Pobeda Kaliningrad","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Mick-Hart-Yury-Pobeda-at-Kaliningrad-Rally-finishing-line.jpg?fit=1200%2C799&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Mick-Hart-Yury-Pobeda-at-Kaliningrad-Rally-finishing-line.jpg?fit=1200%2C799&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Mick-Hart-Yury-Pobeda-at-Kaliningrad-Rally-finishing-line.jpg?fit=1200%2C799&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Mick-Hart-Yury-Pobeda-at-Kaliningrad-Rally-finishing-line.jpg?fit=1200%2C799&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Mick-Hart-Yury-Pobeda-at-Kaliningrad-Rally-finishing-line.jpg?fit=1200%2C799&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3566,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/fort-xi-kaliningrad-hosts-retro-car-club-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":9424,"position":5},"title":"Fort XI Kaliningrad Hosts Retro Car Club Day","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"29 \u0430\u043f\u0440\u0435\u043b\u044f, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Fort XI (Fort D\u00f6nhoff) Revisited Published: 29 April 2021 ~ Fort XI Kaliningrad The classic cars had been assembled in two parallel lines. Even though there were as many as 15 or 20, they were lost, engulfed by the vast piece of open ground on which they were parked in\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "VISITOR'S GUIDE to KALININGRAD REGION"","block_context":{"text":"VISITOR'S GUIDE to KALININGRAD REGION","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/visitors-guide-to-kaliningrad-region\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Fort XI Kaliningrad Hosts Retro Car Club","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Screenshot-2021-04-27-164126.jpg?fit=637%2C608&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Screenshot-2021-04-27-164126.jpg?fit=637%2C608&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Screenshot-2021-04-27-164126.jpg?fit=637%2C608&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9424","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9424"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9424\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9427"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}