{"id":996,"date":"2020-04-20T10:17:05","date_gmt":"2020-04-20T10:17:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/?p=996"},"modified":"2020-04-20T10:17:19","modified_gmt":"2020-04-20T10:17:19","slug":"coronavirus-new-speech-symptom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/coronavirus-new-speech-symptom\/","title":{"rendered":"Coronavirus New Speech Symptom"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Coronavirus warning: Speech impediment could be new dastardly coronavirus symptom<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Published: 20 April 2020<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scientists on holiday in Brightlingsea <\/strong>say a number of people who have not been tested for anything could have a speech impediment together with other indicators, although some will have no symptoms whatsoever, which could make them very suspicious ~ if not of everybody else, at least of themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Along with other indications, such as a sore throat, cough, high temperature, a nasty rash, hives, breathlessness, a pain in the neck and almost everywhere else, sore feet, rings through your nose, tatts, loss of taste, smell and your wallet in Peckham, The Twice-Daily Recorder<\/em> previously reported that Peter Horn from Scunthorpe had a verruca on his foot and a \u2018fizzing sensation\u2019 in his Andrew\u2019s Liver Salts<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coronavirus New Speech Symptom<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The impediment, which is accompanied by a bitter taste in the mouth and an ardent wish that you had not bought their newspaper, been on Google, checked your emails, seen social media or got out of bed until it was all over, is characterised by a pathological urge to babble. A spokesother for Chas & Dave colloquially referred to the symptom as \u2018rabbit\u2019, with those affected and affecting intelligence rabbiting on about new symptoms, no symptoms, police states, totalitarianism, and, in the case of one man with a name like Queer Stammer, making false promises (again) about what his party will do for the health service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Queer, who is Chairman of Exit Strategy UK<\/a>, and has an alarming amount of likeminded people behind him ~ right behind him! ~ is demanding that the virus pack it in. In a moment of pure perspicacity, \u201cEnough\u2019s enough,\u201d he said, and is calling for a \u2018People\u2019s Vote\u2019 ~ a referendum on whether we should leave the house or not whilst telling the virus it has gone far enough. It is thought that Vexit will take place as soon as they have worked out how to rig the electronic voting system. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whilst this latest symptom ~ mindless babbling ~ seems to be concentrated among media employees and second-rate celebs, the WHAT (World Health Absolutely Trumped) was about to report (but now cannot afford the printing ink) that a virus might happen soon, but is not saying WHEN (World Health Eventually Never).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"New
A new coronavirus symptom is getting drunk whilst wearing a silly hat in lockdown ~ or it might just be the onset of insanity
(Photo credit:\u00a0<\/em>Museums Victoria<\/a>\u00a0on\u00a0<\/em>Unsplash<\/a>)<\/em>
<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Boot on the other foot ~ could this be a new symptom?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

An interesting but none the less disturbing permutation of this symptom is the UK media\u2019s hysteria that each time senior ministers in the government open their mouths they are not putting their foot in it nearly as often as they would like. One media group, The Onguardism<\/em>, (which always write its headlines in advance, according to the old policy of making news instead of reporting it) has this to say: BoJo\u2019s Pandemic Policy Hampered by Foot and Mouth<\/em>, but since it has not happened as scheduled they have simply decided that they will put the boot in at every opportunity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A vaccine against this contagious nonsense<\/a> could be ready as early as September, with a betting shop in Oxford giving it an 80 to 1 chance, and the British media saying on Mondays to Wednesdays that ‘it will take at least two years to develop’ and on Thursdays to Saturdays ‘it will never happen’ and on Sundays (when, unless you are The Independent<\/em>, you have a very big newspaper to fill) a series of in-depth analytical pieces over several pull-out supplements will tell you nowt but come in very handy when your stockpiled bog paper runs out sometime in 2025 ~ and there\u2019s a clue?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you do not have this latest symptom, do not worry, the British media is desperately searching for one that is tailored made for you.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Mondays sizzling, action-packed The Twice-Daily Recorder<\/em>, which is out on Thursday, we make up the latest symptom of the sexist, ageist, racist coronavirus and ask the tantalising question, have you got an underclothing illness due to baked beans and Brussels sprouts?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This article represents the views of our inhouse expert Billy Bullshitter and any resemblance to you is purely coincidental ~ or is it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Copyright \u00a9 2018-2020 Mick Hart. All rights reserved.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Coronavirus warning: Speech impediment could be new dastardly coronavirus symptom Published: 20 April 2020 Scientists on holiday in Brightlingsea say a number of people who have not been tested for anything could have a speech impediment together with other indicators, although some will have no symptoms whatsoever, which could make them very suspicious ~ if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[288,290,289,292,291],"class_list":["post-996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meanwhile-in-the-uk","tag-coranavirus-new-speech-symptom","tag-coronavirus-babble","tag-coronavirus-new-symptom","tag-coronavirus-who","tag-uk-media-coronavirus-hysteria"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1125,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/uk-media-coronavirus-symptom-circus\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":0},"title":"UK Media Coronavirus Symptom Circus","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"25 \u0430\u043f\u0440\u0435\u043b\u044f, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"I don't believe in could anymore Years ago, when I first started working in publishing, a friend and colleague of mine who had worked as a journalist on numerous newspapers warned me off the idea of ever working in that field of print myself. \u201cDon\u2019t do it!\u201d he said. \u201cYou\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Meanwhile in the UK"","block_context":{"text":"Meanwhile in the UK","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/meanwhile-in-the-uk\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Could-this-be-RESIZED.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Could-this-be-RESIZED.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Could-this-be-RESIZED.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Could-this-be-RESIZED.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Could-this-be-RESIZED.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1213,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/uk-coronavirus-hypochondria-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":1},"title":"UK Coronavirus Hypochondria Day","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"3 \u043c\u0430\u044f, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"It\u2019s a great time to be a hypochondriac It was reported today in The Indefensible that the British Government is considering introducing a new public holiday. The new Bank (meltdown) holiday, proposed in recognition of the affect that the UK media\u2019s 'new symptoms articles' have had on the national psyche\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Meanwhile in the UK"","block_context":{"text":"Meanwhile in the UK","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/meanwhile-in-the-uk\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"UK Coronavirus Hypochondria Day: all singing from the same hymn sheet","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/the-hypochondriac-489de7.jpg?fit=797%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/the-hypochondriac-489de7.jpg?fit=797%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/the-hypochondriac-489de7.jpg?fit=797%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/the-hypochondriac-489de7.jpg?fit=797%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1222,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/uk-lockdown-new-board-game\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":2},"title":"UK LOCKDOWN NEW BOARD GAME","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"6 \u043c\u0430\u044f, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"LOCKDOWN! ~ the game that everyone is talking about ... LOCKDOWN! is one of a new trilogy of games from well-known boredgames maker, John Wankerson, sponsored by Kim Whetherfork in association with Big Pharma and the Chinese Tourist Beard. The object of the game is for one or more players\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Meanwhile in the UK"","block_context":{"text":"Meanwhile in the UK","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/meanwhile-in-the-uk\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"UK LOCKDOWN new board game","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/LOCKDOWN-USE-Resized.jpg?fit=1200%2C651&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/LOCKDOWN-USE-Resized.jpg?fit=1200%2C651&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/LOCKDOWN-USE-Resized.jpg?fit=1200%2C651&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/LOCKDOWN-USE-Resized.jpg?fit=1200%2C651&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/LOCKDOWN-USE-Resized.jpg?fit=1200%2C651&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1285,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/uk-coronavirus-confusion-strategy\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":3},"title":"UK Coronavirus Confusion Strategy","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"11 \u043c\u0430\u044f, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"At least we can all die laughing Published: 11 May 2020 The media may be slating Boris Johnson this morning over his obscurantist speech the day before, but I for one found it intensely amusing. I haven\u2019t laughed so much in years. If I\u2019d have been wearing false teeth at\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Meanwhile in the UK"","block_context":{"text":"Meanwhile in the UK","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/meanwhile-in-the-uk\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/park-748339_1280.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/park-748339_1280.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/park-748339_1280.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/park-748339_1280.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/park-748339_1280.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2005,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/coronavirus-the-fear-of-conservatism\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":4},"title":"Coronavirus & the Fear of Conservatism","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"16 \u0430\u0432\u0433\u0443\u0441\u0442\u0430, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Coronavirus & the Fear of Conservatism ~ but whose fear is it? Published: 16 August 2020 Pinch me, wake me up, please tell me that I have been dreaming. I will not go so far as to say that the BBC has plumbed new depths of depravity, but could we\u2026","rel":"","context":"\u0412 "Meanwhile in the UK"","block_context":{"text":"Meanwhile in the UK","link":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/category\/meanwhile-in-the-uk\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Dog-in-Mask-Cropped.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Dog-in-Mask-Cropped.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Dog-in-Mask-Cropped.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Dog-in-Mask-Cropped.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/expatkaliningrad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Dog-in-Mask-Cropped.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":807,"url":"https:\/\/expatkaliningrad.com\/ru\/uk-media-headlines-coronavirus\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":5},"title":"UK Media Headlines Coronavirus","author":"Captain Codpiece","date":"20 \u043c\u0430\u0440\u0442\u0430, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Dad\u2019s Army by Roger Corman Published: 20 March 2020 I was sat here looking at and listening to a Boris Johnson coronavirus briefing video courtesy of Stun media and was struck by how similar in language and tone his address was to a script from Dad\u2019s Army. 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