Life Without a Television Licence

Musings on the 9 June 2020 ~
or the joy of being TV-free (Part 1)

Published: 9 June 2020

“It was, undoubtedly, one of the best things that I ever did ~ throwing the telly out. To be honest, I did not exactly throw it out; we dispensed with it.” These profoundly philosophical words were delivered to me back in the pre-coronavirus year of 2018 by Colin, a friend and colleague. Although he lived his life free from the encumbrances of a TV set, he was still haunted and persecuted by the dreaded spectre of the TV licence and those who sought to uphold it, come what may. This is his story:

C: We were living in temporary accommodation whilst the property we had purchased was being renovated. The rented house came complete with no TV aerial. We assumed that we would not be living there for long (it turned out that we were in occupancy for a year) and, consequently, arranging for the aerial to be installed was put on the back burner and left there until it just vanished with a poof.

Life without television

C: That was almost 15 years ago, and we have never looked back. Obviously, each year, and multiple times in each year, we would receive those amusing reminders from the BBC Licensing Gestapo. Silly circulars spewed out by computers threatening you with all sorts of Spanish Inquisition-type ordeals to force a confession out of you that yes, yes, it is true ~ I am watching the BBC secretly and without a licence!

C: As I never had a hobby, such as voting Labour, I would amuse myself by collecting each threatening letter, noting how the totalitarian menace escalated from the first reminder, which was a gentle nudge, into strongarm tactics, first informing you that you were ‘under investigation’ and then that any day now you could expect a SWAT team to come busting into your home.

C: My favourite letter was the one that implied that a visit from the Grim BBC Licensing Reaper was nigh. It went along the lines of ‘Will you be in on Saturday 10^th March?’ ~ the implication being that this was the day when the Witch Finder General and his torturers would descend upon your home. The obvious answer to that would seem to be ‘no’? And I must confess that I was tempted to write back to these people who were destroying the planet with junk mail, saying ‘No’. But as they are an usually cunning lot those at the BBC, I decided that I would be in on Saturday 10^th March but never on any other day of the year. That would teach them!

Life Without a Television Licence — It’s called watching TV without a licence.
(Photo credit: Gaspar Uhas on Unsplash)

C: A friend, well-meaning I suppose, asked me why I did not just write and inform the authorities that I did not have a TV. But, as with most things in life, it was not as simple as that. You see, I did have a TV, an old one, but as far as I knew it was incapable of picking up a broadcast signal. Our sole use for this mechanical contrivance was to use it as a monitor for watching DVDs. But, said I, as if I had been a conspiracy theorist all my life, I have this recurring nightmare, which is that after I have confessed in writing that I have a telly in the house but one that receives no transmission, I receive a visit from the nice BBC licensing man. He listens to what I have to say about the TV having no broadcast reception. Asks me to switch on the set, which I willingly do with a smile. He then thumps the top of the set and up on the screen pops, like some odious PC-revised corrupted historical drama, the BBC in all its biased glory.

“Time to be thoroughly indignant,” I suggested. “I have never given a penny to the Labour party, so why should I be forced to fund the BBC?”

C: Precisely. There were a couple of times in my life when the BBC dragnet closed in on me. One occasion was when I was living in London. I had just stepped out of my front door when I was approached by two officious-looking gentlemen carrying black clipboards.

“Excuse me sir,” one said, “we are from the BBC licensing authority …”

C: What is it about innocence that manifests guilt? For no reason other than, other than …

“Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘Imp of the Perverse’,” I ventured.

C: Quite so. I instructed my female partner to ‘run for it’. We dashed across the lawn and hopped into the Range Rover, the two goons armed with clipboards hot on our tail.

“At least you were not in a bubble car,” I consoled. “If you have to make a getaway make sure you do it in style!”

Life without a television licence

C: The second ‘there but for the grace of God’ occasion occurred some years later. There was no telly registered at my address, so you can be sure that even in the middle of a postal strike the only post to get through was harassment mail from BBC licensing, oh, and from the Reader’s Digest.

C: In anticipation of the Devil’s invocation at any moment, I had instructed my son, who was about seven year’s old at the time, not to answer the door at any cost, as it could be a man from the British Bias Corporation. In fact, to help me in this endeavour I had employed to good effect, or so I thought, one of the licensing authorities’ very own letters, which I had Sellotaped to the inside front door as a reminder that at all times caution must be exercised.

C: My son, although he could not entirely comprehend the significance of this act, appeared to understand that this was a red flag, so all was alright there then until, that is, one morning when I was eating toast a knock came at the door. Caught off guard by the Marmite and the sun shining over the defunct TV set, I opened the knocked-on door and who should be standing there ~ yes, none other than the BBC licensing man.

“Hello, Mr X?” he asked.

C: I said ‘yes’ just before I clocked his identification badge. I said ‘yes’; I thought ‘Bugger!’.

C: He then went off into a sanctimonious verse and chapter explanation of how there was no registered TV set on the premises, concluding his officious speech with “do you have a television set” on the premises?

C: Never a borrower or liar be, so I interceded with although I was Mr X I was not the Mr X he was looking for. No, in fact, I was his brother. I was looking after the house whilst he was on holiday. Could he come in? Not really. It would not be right and proper, not with me being a mere house sitter. The officious looking man with his shiny ID badge reluctantly complied, advising me to advise my brother that he had been visited by the BBC television licensing authority and, make no mistake, they would be back. They were never seen again.

C: The third occasion of harassment by the Biggus Brotherus Clan took place when I was managing a shop. The shop occupied the ground floor, and we were resident on the top storey.

C: I remember the occasion as if I had seen it on television …

“Which, of course, you had not,” I proffered.

C: Absolutely not. I was in the ground floor office chatting to a customer when I saw on the security monitor a black car pull up outside. After a minute or two, the occupant bounded out of his car and began to walk towards the front door of the shop. There was something about his manner, even though I was seeing him on camera and at a distance, that I did not like, something … bumptious is the word.

C: He arrived at the office door, a young man in his mid-20s, black haired in a black jacket, round faced and already going to seed.

“Do you have a flat here?” he asked.

C: “Why, are you a flat fancier?”

“Sorry?”

C: “I’m sure you should be.”

C: I had spotted his ID badge.

C: He repeated his question.

C: “And who is asking?” I asked.

C: He thought for a moment. His stomach was definitely running towards podgey. Not good in a man of his age. And then, pulling himself up to his full height, 5ft 2, he announced grandiloquently and with great purpose: “I’m from the BBC licensing authority?”

C: “Get away,” I replied, “Well you should be ashamed of yourself. A man of your age should have a proper job.”

C: The smirk vanished: “Do you have a television?” he asked curtly, head swivelling around the office door like an aerial surmounted on a mythical TV license detector van.

C: I replied in the negative, and before he could deliver his next question, he having already taken a deep breath to do so, I added.

C: “Neither can we access broadcast television on the office computer, the radio, the toaster, the microwave, the vacuum cleaner or the lawn mower.”

“What about in the flat?” he snapped.

C: “What about what in the flat?”

“Do you have a TV up there?”

C: “Probably,” I replied, “but that’s the boss’s flat. He lives in London …”

C: This time he interrupted me, concluding my sentence mockingly with “…and he isn’t here at present and you don’t know when he will be.”

C: “That’s about the strength of it.”

“And I don’t suppose you can let me see inside the flat.”

C: “Oh no,” I confirmed, “my mother always told me to avoid strange men and, well, you are something to do with the BBC.”

“BBC licensing authority,” he announced, that little pride creeping back into his voice again.

C: Well, I had had about enough, so I told him that as I had not invited him into the premises, he had no right to be here.

C: He argued that this was a shop and not a private residence.

C: I directed his attention to a sign which said that the management reserved the right to refuse entry … and now I was exercising that right; adding that if he intended to return he should only do so in the presence of a police officer and don’t forget the warrant.

C: With that, he turned on his heel and stomped out of the shop, cutting a very different figure to the one who had marched in ~ except for the podgey gut. He had hesitated before he had left the car, but there was no hesitation now. On went the engine, into gear went the car, it shot backwards and then, with a flurry of gravel sparking up from the back wheels, off it went and him with it, and it was very good riddance indeed.

The moral of this story is that whilst you should beware of men bearing strange gifts ~ such as a gross of out of date Luncheon Vouchers ~ you need to be equally cautious of anyone wearing strange ID and be considerably alarmed by anyone, man, woman or other, who confronts you at home or anywhere else for that matter and tells you with a misplaced sense of pride that they work for or on behalf of a particular British broadcasting company.

Vintage TV and living room — “Have you got a licence for that … er, for … for your cushion?!”
(Photo credit: Petr Kratochvil; https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=302427&picture=retro-living-room)

*I am aware, of course, that the accepted taxonomy is ‘TV licensing authority’, but as the license fee purely benefits the BBC, in my opinion, and the opinion of many others, they are The BBC TV Licensing Authority ~ and other things besides.

Will Life Change After Covid-19?

There are lies, damned lies and statistics

Britons think life will change dramatically after COVID-19 ~ but they are not sure why or why they said it

Published: 6 June 2020

The world will never be the same as it was when it wasn’t, and many Britons would not want things to go back the way they were before they weren’t, ie before coronavirus when they had to go to work, a survey for No Real News has revealed.

Will Life Change After Covid-19?

Coronavirus has been a confusing experience, not least because in lockdown many people found themselves in the park, driving to places where they ought not to go ~ especially should their spouse find out or if they worked for the government ~ and sometimes arriving in Skegness when they least felt capable of explaining why.

A lot of people suspect that far from separating them from family, friends and loved ones, coronavirus has brought them closer together. This is particularly true for those people who visited their family more just because they were told that they should not, and for people living 45 to a house who know what it is like to travel to the UK in a very small boat.

The survey has done all sorts of funny things to those who took part in it, from people saying that they will never have to commute again to shops being a thing of the past. However, more than a third thought that this was wishful thinking, particularly those who sell on eBoot, and a large percentage of the same group predicted foreign holidays would be abandoned for a day out on a grass verge at the side of the M25.

Life After Covid-19 ~ the post-coronavirus world — The post-coronavirus world

Zoom & Skype: what are the symptoms?

85% concluded that they would not miss socialising by Zoom and Skype, because they did not know what these were, and the remaining 25% knew that they had them but were still learning how to turn them off or, conversely, how to turn their computers on ~ the latter group tended to be in the baby-boomer range, 50 to 65 year olds, who would rather be down the pub.

A recent poll by WeBelieveYou for Pie in the Sky found that 70% believed that life would be so different that nothing would be the same as it was when they weren’t drinking, whilst only 15%, those returning to work, thought that the only change would be their underpants.

A majority, 2%, ardently wished that they had done better at maths at school. Of this group, 30% said they would like the world to be different, but they did not know how, and the remainder believed that the world they have helped to shape would have been very different indeed had they gone to school instead of mugging people.

‘… but you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone’

By far the largest ‘world changers’ were those who remembered how better life was before social engineering. 45% of these claimed they were building a TARDIS, whilst 25% thought they ought to be quiet, as they wanted their company pension, many of which are police officers.

Asked what they thought they were supposed to say is the most important issue the world must face when Covid-19 is over, only 10% cited tackling future pandemics as they liked staying at home, 78% said climate change ~ particularly in England where it rains too much ~ and less than half of the number you originally thought of then doubled hadn’t got a clue or couldn’t give a flying f!*? ~ and the greatest percentage of these were university students.

Sorting out terrorism had sunk to an all-time low of 1.5%, possibly due to the fact that no one goes out anymore or, alternatively, that the figure is a false one, and the controversial subject of migration and refugees was odds on favourite depending on Brexit going ahead and Dominic Cummings keeping his job. However, a second poll by TurnLeft for PC UK, put this figure on 1% and noted that within this group 95% were fascists and the remaining 5% waiting to be labelled as such.

{At this point articles of this nature typically run out of anything new to say, so they start repeating themselves in order to create more space around which to wrap their advertisements. But we will buck (yes, I said buck) the trend:}

75% of people who think, think that after the pandemic there will be no change there, then; of those who don’t think, 50% were demonstrating and the remaining 50% were having difficulty fitting the words of their slogans onto their cardboard banners; all were defying calls for social distancing, prompting one sociologist, who has never had a proper job, to suggest that this might be their penultimate demo, the last targeting a government conspiracy where certain groups are incited to demonstrate to ensure that they get coronavirus (source: Mr Anonymous, Antifart).

The majority of people thought this last comment spot-on, with a fictional majority invented by the press admitting they were demonstrating but had never left their house. There were signs, however, that some of this group had changed their name to Short and others to Cummings.

Will Life Change After Covid-19?: Conclusion

In conclusion, of those polled 75% who think things will change significantly believe that they will probably change their minds later and of that there is no doubt.

Of those not polled, 100% wondered why, as they don’t agree with any of this.

The majority of an unspecified group had grandparents who sat on Skegness beach for 20 years waiting for the tide to return from Calais whilst wearing a knotted hanky and eating fish and chips.

And everyone, including the world and somebody else’s wife, had not a shadow of a doubt, because they never went into that part of town and always looked behind them, that after the pandemic the magnitude shift away from trusting what the media said to relying on notes in Christmas crackers would eventually lead to no more bullshit.

100% and the rest of the world could not stop applauding this!

100% agreed that this was 100%.
(Photo credit: kai Stachowiak; https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=223310&picture=100-percent)

Exciting coronavirus-stimulated bored games

Lockdown!
Exit Strategy
Clueless

Arguing in Coronavirus Isolation

Diary of a Self-isolator: Day 74 [1 June 2020]

If we must argue, there’s always coronavirus

Published: 1 June 2020

Have you ever found yourself embroiled in an argument when you are not quite sure what the argument is about?

This is what is happening with us. If it is not a result of being cooped up together in coronavirus lockdown, then it might possibly be another of those mystery symptoms of coronavirus itself.

My wife, Olga’s, stance has always been one of ‘I can’t understand this virus … how does it work that some countries have such a high rate of infection and others don’t? From this position, the question evolves into ‘how is it that countries that are practising isolation, lockdown and social distancing often have more cases, and more serious cases, of coronavirus than those who deviate from the assumed correct procedures (inevitably, given its geographical location, the first example of such deviation has to be Belarus ~ where the trend has been bucked, where life goes on much the same but the stated incidence of coronavirus is relatively small).

Then there are questions relating to the ever-changing, never constant miscellany of theories, suppositions, and half-truths (perhaps sprinkled with one or two no-truths) thrown at us by the world’s media. These questions revolve around the inconstancy, which inevitably becomes the contradictory, and before you can say mass vaccination, we are off down the slippery slope into the sink of conspiracy.

Let’s move on.

In Russia, as with almost every other part of Europe, the trend has been towards a relaxation or easing of the social distancing rules and associated limitations widely acknowledged as restricting or slowing the spread of Covid-19 based on a day-by-day assessment of risks and the trade-off between those risks, ie the chances of contracting the virus, loss of quality of life and the good of the economy.

Here, the strategies adopted vary from region to region depending on circumstances specific to each region ~ Russia is a big country, so this makes sense ~ and it is up to those in charge of each region to decide whether to lift certain restrictions, persist with them or even, if the situation warrants it, increase them.

So far so good, but the sticking point for my good lady is that in the Kaliningrad region mask wearing, so she informs me, is compulsory on the streets, and of this she is most skeptical.

My get-out clause is that as I travel only from A to B (A being the house and B the shop) rather than to all the other letters of the alphabet, wearing a mask as I stride along the cobbles is not insupportable. Like her, I do not much care for it, as I do not have a demister for my sunglasses, and I, too, am not entirely convinced that masks do more good than harm ~ is a sweaty face a magnet for coro? And the next time you are out and about see how many people are fiddling with their mask, thus touching their face with their fingers and hands, and how many times, for no apparent reason than just because you are wearing a mask, you feel the instinctive need to scratch your nose!

On the efficacy of this imperative it would seem Olga and I find common ground, but where we diverge pointedly is in her accumulative insistence that ‘something funny is going on’ in the world, that is the world of coronavirus. In the all-encompassing, claustrophobic world of coronavirus, this is a constant bone of contention, which is unfortunate if you are, like me, vegetarian, but her main problem ~ apart from me ~ is that she is incapable of accepting that as this is a new virus the situation is an evolving one and that our politicians’, health specialists’ and scientists’ opinions, and it follows their strategies, are subject to revision as and when new circumstances come to light.

The continual race by the world’s media to be the first to report it, does not help. Invariably, some media organisations seem to be one jump ahead of themselves, do not have all the facts or deliberately misinform, the name of this age-old game to sell newspapers and also nowadays to get you to click on their online feeds to satisfy their advertisers.

With their help, and not a little assistance by Facebook Fannies, Olga has stumbled so far into Conspiracy Mire that she has arrived at the most unenviable point, the point of no return. It is a dark and misty place. But wait, who is that ahead of her? Can it be? Could it be? Indeed, it is that man ~ the man who wants to vaccinate the world. Why? Because he wants to chip us all!

Arguing in Coronavirus Isolation ~ will we all be chipped? — THERE IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY THAT THEY ARE GOING TO CHIP ALL OF US!!
(Photo credit: Frank Vincentz – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17942659)

In the words of an old song, ‘Oh, can it be that it was all so simple then‘. What happened to the days when the only chips we had to worry about was the fatty-fry much-lardy kind that came soaked in vinegar and wrapped in newspaper?

With cholesterol, sorry, I mean coronavirus, is it plainly a case of having your chips and eating them? Stay safe but not at any price?

In those moments when we least understand each other, and there have been one or two over the past 20 years, my wife alludes to the difference between the Russian and English mindset. Apparently, the British populace are all too willing to play by the book. They are told to do something, and they do it. I did not like to draw her attention to what I consider to be the Skegness syndrome, namely that at the beginning of the lockdown rules a good proportion of British folk flouted them, preferring a day in Skegness (and other places, no doubt) and to hell with the pandemic. And that, only a couple of days ago, over the Bank Holiday period, hundreds were packing their suntan oil and tinnies for the pleasures of Brighton beach.

I am, of course, aware of a recent article on RT headlined Almost quarter of Russians believe coronavirus is fictional, according to new study¹ and note this comment, which appeared at the end of an article about Russians still being interested in foreign holidays: “This is the mentality of Russians — they don’t give up².”

As I said to my wife, I am not surrendering yet, but where coronavirus is concerned, whatever your suspicions or beliefs, as my old mate Falstaff said when we last had a pint together in the days when Wetherspoon were allowed to open, ‘Discretion is the better part of valor’.

References
¹https://www.rt.com/russia/489996-quarter-russians-believe-coronavirus-fictional/ [accessed 31 May 2020]

²https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2020/05/29/russia-wants-to-spark-a-domestic-tourism-boom-will-it-work-a70411 [accessed 31 May 2020]

Open Letter to President Trump

Dear Mr President Trump, Kaliningrad is not closed to tourism*

*With due deference given to the current coronavirus situation

Dear President Trump

I hope you will not mind me writing an open letter to you to advise you that the advice your adviser is giving you is the wrong advice.

I refer to the comment made by US National Security Adviser Robert O’Brien¹ in which he condemns Kaliningrad as being a ‘closed military base’ and a ‘missed opportunity for Russia and Europe’, the latter reference being in terms of trade and tourism.

Whilst I do not pretend to have an in-depth knowledge of the trade situation, I can state, and quite categorically, that Kaliningrad is not, and has not been for as long as I can remember, closed to tourists. I have been visiting Kaliningrad for almost 20 years and during that time development in the tourist industry has progressed substantially and exponentially, to a point where not to visit Kaliningrad would indeed be a lost opportunity.

Kaliningrad, which, as I am sure you know, was before the Second World War Königsberg, offers considerable insight for people interested in military history, particularly, but not exclusively, with regard to WWII and the Cold War period. Although Königsberg suffered extensive damage in WWII, there are many monuments, excellent museums and various sites of military interest for visitors to see both within Kaliningrad and its surrounding region, including but not limited to the two concentric circles of fortresses constructed in the mid- to late-19^th century for Königsberg’s defence, many of which are still intact.

Situated on the Baltic coast, Kaliningrad gives easy access to two former German spa towns, Cranz and Rauschen, now, respectively, Zelenogradsk and Svetlogorsk, both of which are attractive, atmospheric and thriving coastal resorts, and the once East Prussian landscape contains many hidden gems of both natural and historical interest.

You will no doubt be acquainted with the fact that the Kaliningrad region is the world’s most prolific amber-producing region. The city itself contains the world-famous Amber Museum, housed in one of the refurbished red-brick Gothic forts, and amber shops and markets abound in Kaliningrad and throughout the coastal resorts.

In addition to the natural beauty of the Baltic coast, the southern section of the Curonian Spit, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, lies within the Kaliningrad region. It is an ancient landmark, replete with natural and cultural features, which has been attracting, and continues to attract, many visitors year on year.

Kaliningrad itself is a thriving, bustling, modern city. Public transport is excellent, and the city is amply stocked with all manner of cafés, bars and restaurants, each one infused with its own unique character and diverse enough to cater for every conceivable taste.

The open status of Kaliningrad is further endorsed by the notable presence of the following hotels, each one of international stature: Radisson Hotel, Mercure Hotel, Ibis Hotel, Holiday Inn and so on.

If Kaliningrad was as closed as Mr O’Brien suggests, I think we can quite confidently assume that such leading hotel brands would be conspicuous for their absence.

Art and independent thinking flourishes in Kaliningrad where, as with Königsberg before it, talented people proliferate ~ artists, historians, writers, poets, architects et al continue the Königsbergian tradition of creative excellence and erudition established by the likes of Immanuel Kant, ETA Hoffmann, Friedrich Lahrs, Bruno and Max Taut, Sergey Snegov, Evgeny Grishkovets and many, many more.

Many people of various nationalities ~ German, French, Polish, Dutch and also some Americans ~ travel to Kaliningrad each year drawn to the city’s and the region’s cultural heritage.

For further evidence of Mr O’Brien’s lack of knowledge concerning the region, please go to Google and simply type ‘Kaliningrad’. There you will find all the information you need pertaining to Kaliningrad and its region as a tourist destination. My personal observations of life and tourism in and around Kaliningrad can be found at https://expatkaliningrad.com/

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I am English. I moved to Kaliningrad more than a year ago, and I have only two regrets: (1) that I should have done so sooner; (2) coronavirus has closed my favourite bars (hopefully temporarily!).

If you ever have the chance to holiday in Kaliningrad, take it. I am sure that you will find it not only agreeable but also enlightening. So often truth eludes those whose opinions are poorly informed or compromised by prejudice.

Wishing you, your family and the people of your great nation, all the very best

Yours sincerely
Mick Hart
Kaliningrad

Source:

1. https://ednews.net/en/news/world/429825-kaliningrad-is-russian-dagger-in-heart-of-europe [accessed 29 May 2020]

Open Letter to President Trump — Königsberg Cathedral*

Photo credits:
*(Cathedral, photo credit: A.Savin (Wikimedia Commons · WikiPhotoSpace) (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kaliningrad_05-2017_img04_Kant_Island.jpg)
**(Curonian spit, photo credit: A.Savin (Wikimedia Commons · WikiPhotoSpace) – Own work, FAL,) (https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=59186184)

The Anti-vaxxer Problem Conspiracy

How do you solve the problem of those who see anti-vaxxers as a problem?

Published: 28 May 2020

Sitting in the doctors waiting room, which I used to do quite a lot in England, I would see these messages popping up on the electronic notice board and their hardcopy equivalents: ‘Have you had your flu jab?’ I had not. And that was that. But then it never occurred to me, even though I am knocking on a bit, that the flu could prove fatal.

Then, in 2018, I experienced one of the worst respiratory illnesses that I have ever experienced. A doctor advised me that I might have pneumonia and recommended a chest x-ray. I ended up putting off the x-ray and settled for a drink instead. The illness cleared itself.

That’s me, I suppose, an indifferent and stubborn old c … character.

The Anti-vaxxer Problem Conspiracy

So, what about the as of yet mythical vaccine for Covid-19? According to my wife, who is slipping deeper everyday into the coma of conspiracy theories, as soon as a vaccine is announced I will be the first in line to drop my trousers, even though the vaccine jab will be administered in my arm.

She is wrong ~ wives always are. As with anything and everything to do with Covid-19, I shall adopt a ‘wait and see policy’. After all, Obama sat on the fence for the whole of his presidential tenure and everyone applauded him, so what was good enough for him is good enough for me!

In recent weeks it seems as if the focus on when will a vaccine be ready has shifted to when a vaccine is ready should I allow myself to be vaccinated, a realignment of faith brought about by the vagaries permeating almost every aspect of the pandemic from origin to outcome. It is, undoubtedly, this abstruseness that lends itself so readily to accusations of obfuscation from which the world of conspiracy is but a short leap.

As far as I can tell, almost all of the conspiracy theories orbiting in the coronavirus firmament eventually come to rest with a very rich and powerful man in the U.S. whom, in the minds of the conspiracy theorists, is inextricably linked with compulsory mass vaccination.

The Anti-vaxxer Problem Conspiracy

Conspiracy theorists have long been used to being put down as fruitcakes ~ and perhaps with good reason. Take, as an example, the terminology used in this recent article by The Guardian, *‘Europe’s Covid predicament – how do you solve a problem like the anti-vaxxers?’

‘Anti-vaxxers’? There is something overtly discrediting and tacky in this monica, is there not? At any rate, it hardly commands the same respect as counter vaccine protestors, or protestors against mass vaccination, or activists against vaccination, such being the kind of terminology that the liberal-leaning media traditionally reserves for street movements to which it gives the green light. But then, as with Brexit, something funny is going on and for them it is not ‘Ha! Ha!’.

The narrative goes that alarming new allegiance lines are being drawn on the strength of the mass vaccination conspiracy, so alarming that those liberals who identify themselves as activists against mass vaccination are being marginalised by their own kind as ‘esoteric hippies’ and ‘esoteric leftwingers’, and if this slight is not enough, there is the ultimate accusation that in making a stand against mass vaccination they are cuddling up to neo-Nazis. Some might argue that enforced mass vaccination is very much a Nazi-type of thing to do, but then I am no conspiracy theorist!

The esoteric problem of being a liberal Anti-vaxxer

The definition of ‘esoteric’ is ‘intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people’. The implication here being that unless you follow the flock you are no liberal! As for the reference to neo-Nazis, this is the old name and shame game, as well as being a convenient labelling ploy, ie the only people who are resisting mass vaccination are neo-Nazis; good people, nice people and proper liberals don’t do that ~ esoteric ones might, but not you!

Anywhere else, and this association by implication would have some clout but not as clouty as it does here: consider the city and country on which this article focuses and then say the word again (but to yourself, very quietly) ‘neo-Nazi’ and, before you close the window to keep out the chill, add Pegida to that vocabulary.

Pegida is, of course, resurrected in this article and, in the given context, turns out to be a most unfortunate choice of comparison: “fears of the movement [anti-vaxxers] growing into a force equivalent to the Pegida protests against Angela Merkel’s asylum policy seem to be shaping the thinking in Berlin’s seats of power.”

You see, the protests against Merkel’s asylum policy were not restricted to Pegida but very rapidly suffused the greater German populace, particularly after the act, when, despite the media’s best attempts to suppress both the calamity that resulted from it and the nation’s growing resentment to it, the protestations gained such traction that it levered support across the channel for Brexit, sent Merkel into media hiding and is arguably one of the most powerful contributing factors to the course of dissolution and wilful self-destruction on which the European Union seems to be set.

Reeling from the Brexit fallout, the waning popularity for almost all its leaders and institutions, fractured and fragmented by the clumsy and seemingly disinterested way in which it is has failed to assist its member states during the coronavirus crisis, a turmoil that has all but completely undermined any credibility it may once have had as a foundation for a United States of Europe, the entire EU project seems to be teetering on the brink.

Anti-who?

The usual means by which governments and their media handmaidens deal with conspiracy theorists is to ignore them, to deprive them of the oxygen of publicity. Think: when was the last time that you saw a head-on TV debate in which ministers, prime ministers, etc sat in a TV studio with a live audience of conspiracy theorists and addressed their fears?

Perhaps this is the best way, and possibly the best way to deal with the anti-vaxerrs is hands off. After all, anything less will expose the EU to allegations that the self-styled crucible of human rights and sovereign upholder of the tenets of liberalism is nothing but a sham.

There is a lot to be said for sitting on the fence. It might not get you the Nobel Peace Prize as it has for some, but the last thing that Germany needs in these discrediting times is for those in the seats of power to be seen to be rushing to change their underpants¹ ~ conspiracy or no conspiracy.

The Anti-vaxxer Problem Conspiracy — MASS VACCINATION? HOW TRANSPARENT DO YOU NEED IT TO BE??

Reference
*https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/23/europes-covid-predicament-how-do-you-solve-a-problem-like-the-anti-vaxxers

Note:
¹ This comment does in no way imply that the chancellor wears Y-fronts.

Mick Hart’s Diary 2019/2020

The Confused World of Coronavirus

So, what are we to believe and how should we proceed?

Published: 25 May 2020

Now, what I suggest we all do is …

According to the world media we are in this coronavirus thing for the long haul. Time spans of 18 months to 2 years are being bandied around, during which we must adapt to the ‘New Normal’, continue to practise social distancing, self-isolate, limit movement, wear masks at all times and, above all, ‘stay alert’.

It is good news for antibody tests ~ they are available and, unlike the previous batch which cost the UK government millions, these actually work, but will you be able to get hold of one? Is a well-known chemist chain out to rip you off by selling these kits at extortionate prices? And what good are they anyway? Even if you have the antibodies does it mean you are immune? A great big impressive pharmaceutical company is gearing up to manufacture and supply the vaccine currently being researched in Oxford, but there is no guarantee that the vaccine will work and no guarantee, according to ‘the experts’, that we will ever find a vaccine.

The Confused World of Coronavirus

In the midst of all this scientific fog, the incidence of coronavirus is rising and the death count goes on, albeit, in some places, at a lower rate than before. But lockdown easing is underway. In England, there is talk of, and interesting rows about, schools re-opening, pubs and bars opening, hotels re-opening and, as long as you wear your mask ~ the efficacy of which has never really been proven ~ and keep six feet away from the pilot, you may soon be able to jet off to Europe and enjoy a post-first-wave coronavirus holiday ~ why not, if the second wave comes it may be your last?

In June, the UK population has been told that it will be testing, tracking and tracing, but at least one newspaper headline asks, ‘Will the government’s new app work?’ And there are over a million out of work, and lots of things that used to work, like pubs, are still not working? And no one seems to know whether masks work or not, although we are still advised to wear them, as we are also advised to go to work but stay at home at the same time, if at all possible.

Once upon a time, all we had to worry about was not inciting racial hatred, not inciting religious hatred, pretend that we celebrate LGBT (Large German Beer Tents), pay our BBC license fee, champion this and embrace that, count how many women are in the board room, subject historic dramas to politically correct revisionism and, and, and …

The Confused World of Coronavirus

It was all so simple, so clear cut then, but now!! The whole world has gone from a globally warmed up, globalist socially engineered immigration catastrophe to a … a… well, it’s like, you know, like, a modern version of Frankenstein’s monster (was he German?). But the New Normal, who is he? He has a biodegradable personality, a genetically modified sense of humour, challenging behaviour, is well past his sell by date and is clearly not fit for purpose.

None of us, not even the hysteria-generating UK press could ever imagine, not even in its wildest dreams, that Brexit would not only cause economic meltdown but the worst pandemic in living memory. Not only would Brexit ultimately divided Britain along a fault line the size of the Grand Canyon, with Leave on one side and Remain on the other, but would insidiously incubate an ‘unholy alliance’ between extreme right ringers (the bells! Oh, the bells!) and ‘esoteric liberals’ with one shared aim in mind, to form a worldwide Anti-Vax pact.

And all because Gill Bates and its gang wants to stick us in the arse with its great big globalist Vax Needle.

A retired scientist from Bedford says, “It’s all so confusing!”

Stay tuned to this channel folks, for more spine-chilling tales of the Vax Conspiracy. Can we stop them before it is too late! Can they stop us before it is too soon!

Meanwhile in the UK ~ Thrilling Reads!

Clueless World Health Game

Clueless a World Health Board Game

CLUELESS! The third in a trilogy of new exciting bored games from the maker’s John Wankerson, in association with World Health.

I think it was done in the meat market, with a revolting habit by Batman.

A whodunnit, what-are-we-going-to-do-about-it, ‘will it ever be the same again’ kind of game.

‘I think it’s going to be done to everyone with a vaccine plot by a conspiracy theorist’ ~ Gill Bates

CLUELESS, the game for governments, scientists, ministers, and disgraced health organizations that nobody would trust anymore with as much as a splinter in their arse, is in the shops now, but you can’t buy it as all the shops are shut. Black market copies are selling in deprived areas like hot cakes made by feminist career women locked down in kitchens, and the online auction site eBYGUM reports record sales in its China category.

I think it was done in the minds of the hapless public with the UK media by Penny Dreadful.

Social distancing friendly, the 2×2 metre board conforms perfectly with the new post-lockdown workplace rules. When not in use it can be used as an office screen and played vertically.

“Clueless: It’s the game for people who can’t spell useless but really are” ~ The Daily Marrow

It’s the game that everybody’s talking about, but nobody can hear because their masks are too tight or they are wearing them over their ears. It’s the game that brings people together whilst keeping them apart. It’s the game for people on the game who are game for anything but won’t play the game. It’s the game which rhymes with something like BLAME with all L let loose.

I think it was done in Skegness with flouting the rules by Richard Head.

I think it will be over and done with, with no guarantees and conflicting information by the time the Earth freezes over.

It’s CLUELESS ~ aren’t we all.

Other games by John Wankerson:
Lockdown!
Exit Strategy

Covid-19 Mask Parade

The Masked Man of Coronavirus

Published: 20 May 2020

The day after I posted my last Diary of a Self-isolator article on the coronavirus situation, wearing a mask in public places, including on the street, became part of what the Brits would call ‘The New Normal’ here in Russia’s Kaliningrad region. ⁺An online news report predicted today that the mask regime would be ‘with us for a long time’, which is bad news for those of us who have difficulty in wearing them. Nevertheless, rules are rules and when we went shopping on Sunday we emerged on the street looking like a pair of dentists hunting down an escaped patient, or, possibly, a pair of escaped dentists wanted for mask wearing when it did not really suit us.

In the short walk from our house to the small, but diversely stocked, shopping precinct at the end of the road, I idled away my new-found inability to breathe very well by playing ‘spot the masks in Kaliningrad’.

Now, I am not one to tell tales out of school, but in my estimation I would say there was a 50:50 split on those conforming to the new mask-wearing rule and those who could not, but, moving swiftly on ~ and my word don’t we, these days ~ I turned my face-covered attention to the kind of masks that people were wearing in an attempt to define which type of mask was the Kaliningradian’s mask of choice.

Mick Hart and his wife, Olga, were wearing the lightweight, light-blue coloured thin cotton masks of pleated design, as worn widely by members of the medical profession. Please be assured that this is no endorsement of their efficacy, and neither is it intended to be. The problem inherent in universal mask-wearing is that it does not take long before demand outstrips supply, restricting personal choice to availability rather than comfort-fit or cosmetics.

This factor would account for the swerving variation in masks evident, but a nervous breakdown (that is to say, a breakdown made nervously as I stood in the street observing) enabled me to categorise mask-type together with wearing incidence thus:

Incidence of mask-wearing:

Lightweight, blue pleated masks: 20%

Thick linen black masks: 60%

Homemade masks: 1%

Standard builder’s dust masks: 12%

Superior builder’s dust masks: 7%

Wearing of masks by type

Proper job ~ over mouth and nose: 40%

Loose and baggy like an old pair of pants (please note the use of the word like): 5%

Nose poking out over the top: 5%

Clipped under the chin ready for erection on sight of authorities: 50%

Covid-19 Mask Parade

It was whilst I was standing outside the chemists in a mask-observant mood that, making allowances for the different types of mask identified here, I wondered how long it would be, taking into account that enforced mask-wearing was not likely to go away anytime soon, some budding entrepreneur would cash in and clean up on the market for novelty masks. Who would be the first, I pondered, to register The Novelty Mask Emporium, a company devoted to the design, production and distribution of imaginatively made masks, three or four different types mass produced and styled in such a way as to steer your mind away from the serious reason for wearing them.

For example, for the animal lovers you could have one shaped like a cats face with a long pair of whiskers sticking out on either side; for the ‘life on the ocean waves’ brigade, one shaped like the bow of a boat with some waves painted around the chin piece; and for those who have benefitted from too much plastic surgery and/or Botox one designed like the back of a bus.

You could design the masks in series, and make a ‘guess who’ or ‘guess what’ game of it. For example, you could have the ‘Famous Faces Series’, a mask limited to the mouth and nose of famous people, such as the mouth and nose of Boris Johnson, Donald Trump or, for those with long memories, Tom Jones. To appeal to and capture the errant youth market, you would do far worse than have a series of features built around rappers and hip-hoppers. Each mask could come complete with a free, imitation chunky gold necklace and you could call the series ‘Innit’. There really is no end to the possibilities; the sky’s the limit ~ a mask decorated with craters like the moon, which turn out to be potholes in a road near Scunthorpe, just to appease the conspiracy theorists. Rude masks would be very much in demand, especially in the UK, and masks of Obama’s bum, for example, or shaped like genitalia would be bound to command high prices.

At the other end of the market, above the belt line and sold exclusively in places like Bond Street and London’s Saville Row, upmarket clientele could eschew the off-the-peg option for a tailor-made mask, personally designed according to their own design criteria and made to measure to fit one’s facial contours.

Covid-19 Mask Parade

The biggest bucks lie in one of two directions: (1) Designing a novelty mask and getting it wrapped around the kisser of some celeb or other, particularly one which will appeal to the open credit card mentality of the young; (2) Having your mask operation endorsed by Royal Warrant, ie Mask Suppliers to Her Majesty the Queen of England or Chancellor Merkel of Germany (not quite sure about the latter).

For those of us who are good with our hands and have not yet been arrested for it, the homemade customised option could very well lead to an international coronavirus mask competition, similar in form and cornicity to the long-running out-of-steam Eurovision Song Contest or EU Pong Contest (this one has always smelt a bit fishy). For inspiration, ‘make do and mend’ mask artists would be advised to seek inspiration from the saviours of America ~ no, definitely not the Hilary Clinton mask ~ I mean those worn by comic strip superheroes ~Batman, Spiderman, Bat-Other, Spider-It et al.

For lovers of the Golden Days of Hollywood, there’s your Lone Ranger and Mask of Zorro. OK their masks were just pieces of paper with eye holes cut into them, specifically designed so that when worn even people who have never met you before will recognise you instantly, but they are just as good as any mask if you only wear them under your chin.

We won’t go into the other kinds of mask available as we run the risk of straying inadvertently into the realm of bank heists and BDSM parties (mainly dungeon oriented now on account of the 2 metre distancing rule ~ see my article on Copulating with Coronavirus whilst observing the 2 metre rule [by the way, claiming that the metric system confuses you, as you thought that 2 metres is the same as 2 inches is no defence, and anything else is just boasting].

If you want a lover
I’ll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I’ll wear a mask for you

~ Leonard Cohen

From a personal standpoint, which is a masculine one with no hands on hips allowed, for the well-turned out gentleman, the gentleman of taste and decorum, there is the all-important question of how to wear a mask and still maintain one’s sartorial elegance.

No matter how assertively the mask argument is made in the interests of self-preservation, one is forced to acknowledge that a piece of cloth or moulded chunk of white synthetic material resembling a polystyrene burger box planted on your face is by no means a flattering accessory to either member of sex ~ or the many things in between. And when you have a certain je ne sais quoi reputation concerning standards and manner of dress, well, I ask you, wearing a mask indeed!

In conclusion (or even collusion)

The benefits and disadvantages of wearing a mask in the new Coronavirus Age is one of those hotly debated issues which, like mediocre pop music does not look likely to be resolved in the short-to-medium term, but as Hope Not Hate, who have never got it right, might say, masks come in all shapes and sizes, they do not have to be homogeneous. Masks can be as diverse as fantasy, multicoloured or as black as your hat. Just open the borders of your mind ~ make them gay and wear them with pride.

Covid-19 Mask Parade. Mick Hart in matching mask and cravat — Mick Hart, Kaliningrad, with matching Covid-19 mask & cravat ~ a must for this summer!

Just because you have to wear a mask does not mean that you have to sacrifice style!

Please note that this article is not affiliated in any way to the coronavirus-shaped masks that are being sold by Bad Joke Inc.

Reference
+https://www.newkaliningrad.ru/news/briefs/community/23617601-v-regionalnom-rospotrebnadzore-obyasnili-pochemu-maska-spasaet-ot-covid-19.html

UK Anti-Lockdowners Embrace Division

Banners need a course in banners ~ and the rest

Published: 19 May 2020

When I heard about the anti-lockdown demonstrations, I breathed a sigh of relief. It had been worrying me lately. Brexit had kept the professional demonstrators going for about three years, but with nothing left to rail against what were they up to now? Then along came the virus and with it lockdown, and hey presto the perfect excuse to get out there on the streets again.

I never thought of checking the YouTube videos to ascertain whether lockdown, against which the demonstrators were demonstrating, had enabled them to produce better quality banners. So often it is the case that so-called activist banners lack the professional look which could conceivably lend more credibility to the stated reason for their day out: rickety old pieces of hardboard with daubed-on slogans that don’t fit and are hard to read on film, let alone in the streets amidst all the cat-awailing and jostling, lacks kudos, don’t you think? Surely, with all this time on their hands the vociferous throng could bless us with something better than the usual substandard fare. These atrocious banners look as if they’ve been knocked up on a university campus by students who feel left out for having not lived through the classic era of great demonstrations, the 1960s, or by people who supposedly have lots of time on their hands and could perhaps have used it more sensibly by learning how to letter-space.

But who cares? The beauty of the anti-lockdown angst is that you can conveniently hang it on the human rights’ hook. BREXIT was OK on this account as well, in that the antis could accuse Brexiteers of being racist for wanting to take back control of the UK’s borders. But there is nothing quite as human rights violationist as the concept and implementation of something called ‘lockdown’, even if that something is devised for your own good. If the government had been smart, it would have called lockdown ‘home-leave’ or, even better, ‘home-benefits’ and legalised cannabis whilst it was at it.

But it didn’t, and now we are having to put up with news reports claiming that Boris has divided the cabinet and nation. Whilst I am not sure what he is doing in his cabinet, I am positive that the nation has been divided for years, between those who wish to preserve their way of life and those who seek to pervert it, so why should Boris get all the credit?

UK Anti-Lockdowners Embrace Division

Journalists often use this phrase ‘divided the nation’ as if there is a clear-cut division, when, in fact, the nation is divided into many clusters, and has been since the mass importation of different cultures, all of which have different objectives and markedly different allegiances.

The media claimed that Brexit had divided the country and at the fundamental level this is true. The simple division was between those who wanted to leave the EU and those who wanted to remain. But the media also claimed that the new divide had replaced the old left vs right paradigm. To a certain extent this was true as well, as in the last Brexit-fought election Labour suffered the hitherto unprecedented humiliation of being wiped out in its northern heartland.

But if you ignore the demographics and focus instead on the ideological composition of who wanted to remain in the EU as opposed to who wanted out, you will find without a shadow of a doubt that the remain camp had an overwhelmingly left subscription.

Although the argument against Brexit was packaged as an economic one, as if everyone on the left had suddenly become accountants, the real motivation lay in the fear, and it was a credible fear, that since the EU is the powerhouse of liberal-left ideology, should the UK pull the plug, especially on the EU’s biased legal apparatus, ie the European Court of Human Rights et al, the arsenal upon which the liberal-left depends for its ideological blitz against sovereignty patriots would be lost.

UK Anti-Lockdowners Embrace Division

So, taking this into consideration, how does the coronavirus lockdown division stack up?

Well, when you read the coverage in the *Independent and read stuff quoted from banners like, ‘I will not be masked, tracked, chipped or vaccinated … This will not be my new normal. I do not consent’ [thank you Patrick McGoohan] and read (quote) ‘Two women walked through the crowd wafting incense, while another insistently gave out copies of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights,’ you hardly need a second opinion; besides, whose politics are the politics of the street? Oh, and by the way, among the small demonstration (about 100 people in all) gathered at London’s Hyde Park was Jeremy Corbyn’s brother.

However, the waters have been muddied a little. On 27 April 2020, **The Guardian ran an article which seemed to suggest that it is those on the right of the political divide that eschew lockdown, shortly after which the TUC saddled a high-horse about easing lockdown and teacher’s unions followed suit, becoming ever more bellicose about the government’s ‘reckless’ plans for easing lockdown. And if you look you will no doubt find that there are other media pieces that run counter to the argument that all liberals denounce lockdown as a violation of their sacred human rights. Indeed, there as many people across the political spectrum who want to stay barricaded in their houses as there are those who want out.

If the waters are muddy because of this, then the real sewage starts when we rake the bottom of the social media barrel, at which level can be found cloud upon cloud of conspiracy theories. The peddlers of such theories and their adherents cannot quite make up their collective dread whether the powers that be are in it together to keep us locked in or to force us out, and this is where you have to admit that being in charge (we won’t say control) of any country at this point in time is an absolute bummer, as you are bummed if you do and bummed if you don’t ~ so to speak.

If as the leader of a country you and your government lean towards a lockdown and social distancing policy, it’s ‘call me George Orwell’, but if you look for an ‘exit strategy’ and ways of ‘easing lockdown’, as if you have a magic laxative for the constipated state that coronavirus has imposed on us, you can rest assured of being accused of putting economy first and people last.

Here, on my personal Home Front, sadly my wife tends to stumble every other day into the conspiracy-theory camp. She has moments, funny turns I call them, when she cannot stop sending me links by email to back up all sorts of esoteric theories, which I chuck right out like yesterday’s demonstration banners.

Mark my words and make no mistake: ‘If you go looking for it, you’ll find it!’

Now where did I put that vodka bottle?

I smell a rat as UK Anti-Lockdowners Embrace Division

It’s nothing to do with leaving the sinking ship! Let me in, I want to come out!

Anti-Lockdown Contract (or a Modest Proposal)
Those that protest lockdown, do not want to self-isolate and persist in flouting the social-distancing rules should be allowed to do so provided they sign a contract or be placed on a national register, with the understanding that in the event that they contract Covid-19 the health service reserves the right to refuse them treatment, thereby reducing the risk of overwhelming the health service with their presence, leaving beds and other resources free for those who respect the rule of law, and by doing so endorse respect for doctors, nurses and other healthcare workers who risk their lives on a daily basis on the coronavirus frontline.

Article: A Sorry Police Force

References
*https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/apr/27/lockdown-scepticism-culture-war-brexit

**https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/coronavirus-lockdown-protests-uk-london-hyde-park-5g-conspiracy-theories-a9518506.html

A Sorry Police Force

The Sorry State We Live In

Published: 18 May 2020

Saying sorry all the time, whatever the situation and mostly when it is not necessary is an occupational hazard of being British ~ legacy British that is. It is like a virus (sorry!). We fail to open a door for someone: ‘Sorry!’; We pass by someone in a confined space: ‘Sorry!’; Someone says “excuse me”: ‘Sorry!’. We are forever saying sorry, even when we have nothing to be sorry for, except for feeling sorry for repeatedly saying ‘sorry’.

On a one-to-one basis this repetitive impediment warrants no further investigation than to apologise for it, but the words ‘warrant’ and ‘investigation’, two words which are almost always sorry-affiliated, invoke the question of what happens when saying ‘sorry’ becomes a matter of corporate policy, so rigorously underpinned and robustly enforced in an organisations Code of Practice that the organisation can no longer function efficiently?

The endemicity of this peculiarly British disease is so virulent, particularly as it relates to certain sections of the British establishment, that political commentators have dubbed it Institutional Sorryism.

Take the British Police Force, for example, which is accused of almost every institutionalism going. No matter what it does and how it does it, British plod, both at institutional and on a personal level, is constantly forced to apologise (is that what the ‘Force’ in ‘British Police Force’ means?)

A Sorry Police Force. Mick in his helmet. — **SORRY ABOUT THIS HELMET!**

The most recent case of sorryitis concerns the misapplication of police powers under the new Coronavirus Act, the emergency laws introduced to enforce restrictions to limit movement. Apparently, enshrined in these laws is the lawful whisking off of people whom the police suspect are infected with Covid-19, the art, science and inherent flaws of which have led to at least one legal beagle condemning such acts as ‘shocking’ and denouncing our boys in blue for ‘over-zealous policing’. Now, if you are one of many hapless Britons who have suffered to have been mugged, have your car broken into and/or been burgled, you may be wondering what exactly ‘over-zealous policing’ is, but that is because apprehension like ‘shocking’ is reserved almost exclusively these days for human rights infringements, and yes, indeed, you’ve got it, the shocking in this instance is human rights related and the person being shocked a human rights lawyer.

Sorry for the over-zealous policing

Such ‘over-zealous policing’, the likes of which has not been seen since the days when stop and search was so effective, way back when before London acquired the dubious distinction of being the stab-fest capital of the world, has led to dozens of wrong convictions being quashed for which the police have duly apologised.

I’m sorry (saying sorry is so infectious! ~ er, sorry for using the word infectious), but what is not clear from these newspaper reports is where the wrongfully arrested were arrested? I am assuming that the police did not bust into people’s private bedrooms Sweeney style, guns drawn and polyester flared trousers sparking, shouting, “I am arresting you under the Emergency Covid-19 Act on suspicion of the illegal possession and distribution of coronavirus in contravention of the fact that even the world’s top scientists cannot agree on the symptoms”.

Even allowing for the mitigating plea of asymptomatica, I think we can presume that the arrests occurred in public places and as the arrestees were most likely contravening the social distancing rules, ie there was more than two people present, surely it would have been better to arrest them for that. But then what do I know? Sorry (there I go again), I am making about as much sense as a human rights’ lawyer. Sorry.

But even arresting people who are that unvanilla in their social intercourse preferences that they simply cannot kick the habit of indulging in threesomes or moresomes is not as straightforward as logic postulates and is certainly no excuse for not saying sorry.

A sorry State of affairs

I am fairly sure that I read somewhere, but I apologise if I didn’t, that 187 people were recently charged under the regulations that restrict movement and which prescribe that two’s company but three’s an illegal crowd. It turned out, however, that 12 of them were wrongly charged! Does this mean that the arresting officers did not have their specs on or that they thought they were arresting a group but it was, in fact, one man with a fat lady?

Whatever the excuse, it’s not good enough! We may be in the midst of a pandemic, the worst the world has encountered for over a century, but we will continue to gather socially in spite of laws made for our own protection, and should we be arrested we will accuse the police of all sorts of things (especially human right’s violations) and then demand an apology!

All this may be very satisfying for those who run around bleating ‘our police, police by consent’ but rather irksome for the police themselves as it so obviously undermines their authority and the ability to do their job (I don’t mean arresting people wrongly, but apologising abjectly), and we could hazard a not uncharitable guess that there are a lot of numpty heads out there who see this as a weakness just ripe for exploitation. The best example of this, and the silliest, was at a so-called lockdown celebration (sorry, I meant demonstration) when on being advised of his arrest the gentleman concerned, apart from shouting [police] ‘violence’, where there was not any, declared ‘I do not consent to my arrest’.

“He’aint dun nuthin’”, some female orator shouts.

“Well he should have done!” ~ where’s John Wayne when you need him?

At least someone could have issued an apology to someone!

Didn’t anybody have a template Sorry note among them?

A sorry police force

Compulsive Sorry Disorder is another virus, older than corona, that is running rampant in the UK. Its source is a litigious society in copulation with Over Accountability Syndrome, and no institution is ravished more by this perversion than our good old British Police Force.

Institutionalised Sorryism is making our police sound like a boy scout leader who has been caught doing something that he should not be doing in today’s society, such as being heterosexual, or a doctor to whom you have presented with an earache and he’s immediately asked you to drop your trousers.

We really do need to nip this apologising malarkey in the bud or, failing that, rename the Police Force the Polite Force.

I don’t pretend to know what it was Elton was doing, or what he was thinking of, when he wrote that song, Sorry seems to be the hardest word. Whatever it was he should have asked a policeman.

I apologise if I’ve offended anybody.

Sorry.

Coronavirus & Rights: an Unholy Alliance