Tag Archives: Statue vandals

10 Downing Street is anyone at home?

This is the captain of your ship ….

Published: 10 September 2020

“Wokey, Wokey!!” No, that can’t be right. Sorry Nigel, what was that? “A bunch of metro-liberals …” and? Sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m being shouted down by a rabble of Extinct Liberals. Wait whilst I close the window. Ahh that’s better. Thank heavens I paid the extra £33,000 and had Everest fitted.

The question I wanted to ask before I was so rudely deplatformed was, what was Billy Cotton’s TV show catchphrase? Oh, it was ‘Wakey, Wakey!!’

OK, so the next question is not so much whatever is happening in the UK but who is letting it happen? I knew I should never have left the country when it needed me, but I had no idea that the government left as well?

10 Downing Street is anyone at home?

Putting aside for the moment that the coronavirus crisis was placed in the hands of the Arse & Elbow Committee, we have seen Churchill’s statue and the Cenotaph vandalised, public statues chucked hither and thither, Black Laughs Matter rampaging through the streets virtually unchallenged and unchecked, Extinction Rebellion blocking newspaper printing presses … If the government is not responsible for giving the loony left a hall pass, who is? Now look here Mr S ….

But such decline is not without its humorous side. Take the Mail Online’s article ‘Furious row over appointment of Tony Abbot …’ An indepth analysis of the accusation that Tony Abbot is a transgressor of all PCisms. He is a ‘misogynist, he is sexist and a climate change denier’, so something from up North claims. Forget the fact that he has secured significant trade deals for the UK. Here is a man (that will work against him to be sure!) who had he a statue would be well advised to strap on its lifebelt quickly. But wait a moment, wasn’t the left’s anti-Brexit campaign almost entirely predicated on economic repercussions? Mind you, race, sexism and gender issues have always been Labour’s safety net. If in doubt, denounce it about. After all, the last thing leftist opponents to Brexit want to see are those good old trade deals coming in thick and fast.

British universities get a Phd in Predictability

On the BLM front the ball keeps rolling and gathering, er, snow. News is that British Universities are falling over themselves to issue solidarity statements. No news is good news and there is no news here. As everybody knows, the British education system is an industrial canning factory for liberal-left hobby horses.

The silver lining is that whilst we are young we tend to read The Guardian but later, when we leave university, when life becomes just that bit more real, and we have jobs to keep, houses to buy, children to look after, mortgages to pay, we wake (present tense of woke) up and suddenly find ourselves becoming more and more conservative, until we finally reach the stage where we are reading The Daily Mail. Well, you know what they say about liberalism, it is like a bad case of acne: some grow out of it and some are scarred for life.

It must matter to someone … surely?

Top of the amusement pops has to be the announcement by a young, black, female activist, a BLM leader, that she is planning to form the first black-led political party in Britain. Allegedly, whitey will be excluded from leadership roles and there has been some suggestion on Twatter of white enslavement. Someone should advise this young lady that the UK does not end at Lewisham and that if she intends to all-aboard the UK political bandwagon the first thing she needs to learn is the art of concealing her party’s true intentions behind a smoke and mirrors manifesto.

As for taking control of the country by the political route, all I can say is good luck with that one. Nobody else has ever pulled it off. And my advice to anyone attempting it, short of don’t bother, is if you ever clear the starting blocks watch out for that last minute election hurdle, the old ‘don’t throw your Labour or Conservative vote away on a small party’ trick. It works for the old two-party combo every time. As for slavery, I thought we were already slaves ~ slaves to political correctness. Time for a quick burst of the Rule Britannias!

It’s a funny old world, innit!

At this point I suck my teeth ~ that is one solidarity I learnt years ago ~ and it should stand me in good stead as we also learn that in the United States out of ‘respeck’ the most important association for teaching English in higher education has adopted the resolution that black students can ditch ‘standard English’ and focus exclusively on ‘Black language’ instead. I know I am now referring to the good old US of A, but as we saw with the BLM riots things tend to skim across the pond these days a good deal faster than they used to. It’s enough to make ‘me eddy at me’ (which is, to you, ‘make my head hurt’).

And finally (if only it was), again in the USA, but you can buy it in the UK through Amazon, is the latest solidarity act in the form of a new book called In Defense of Looting. No, this is not me attempting to be satirical. Like a man accused by the left as being unsuitable for the role of UK trade envoy, even though he has already secured ‘huge trade deals’, because he is ‘sexist’ and has said some naughty things, this book and the rest of the madness is actually, really out there, which only goes to show that if nothing at all else matters Political Correctness most assuredly does.

10 Downing Street is anyone at home?
‘Wakey, Wakey!!’

The Value of Traditional Values

1 July 2020

Published: 1 July 2020

The last couple of days have been extremely important ones here in Russia, as the citizens of the largest country in the world head off to the polling booths to vote ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ for the new constitutional reforms. My wife was among them. I cannot reveal which she way she voted, but you who know her can probably guess.

The Value of Traditional Values

The latest BBC article (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-53255964) as at 20.27pm Kaliningrad time, obviously alludes to the effect that a ‘yes’ vote for the reforms will have on President Putin’s terms of office and “Other conservative reforms include a ban on same-sex marriage and reference to Russia’s ancestral ‘faith in God’.”

Whilst all this has been going on, I had lost touch with ‘home’ news, so I undertook a quick scan to see what has been happening in the UK over the last few days. I deliberately avoided any and all references to coronavirus, as I have a good friend in Leicester and did not want to think about it. These were the headlines:

22 June 2020

Reading stabbing attack suspect Khairi Saadallah

[Comment: The one thing about the Old Normal that the New Normal cannot change]

26 June 2020

Three Londoners stabbed in Bournemouth beach brawl hours after ‘major incident’ declared

[Comment: Safer to be self-isolating]

Notting Hill: Police officers attacked at illegal street party

[Comment: Could it be the price of appeasement, ie softly, softly approach’ to statue-wrecking riots?]

Hero policeman David Whyte, 42, fights for his life after trying to tackle knifeman asylum seeker who stabbed six at Glasgow hotel

[Comment: Do I need to?]

27 June 2020

Bottles thrown at police as another London street party turns ugly

[Comment: As I said in my previous article ~ never give in to the demands …]

So there you have it. I could have read more, but that’s enough for one day.

Seventy-five years of progressive liberal values, and here we are …

Statues that cause offence

Offensive Statues of the UK

The UK Guide to Offensive Statues Handbook

Published: 12 June 2020

The UK Guide to Offensive Statues Handbook, not to be confused with Enoch Powell’s biography, is the Who’s Who of offensive statues in the UK ~ a must for the Statuephobic!

The first publication of its kind to provide a comprehensive list of UK statues that should have been torn down before they were built, the ‘Rioter’s bible to statue destruction’, as the Gardroomism refers to it, has been cunningly contrived to give maximum exposure, even to those statues that are wearing trousers, to every statue known to ITs in the UK.

Statues that cause offence

This handy pocket-sized booklet, that fits conveniently into the crutch piece of a pair of cheap synthetic jogging bottoms, bright pink trainers, the inside of your hoody and/or the cargo pockets of your camo trousers, without interfering with your weapons or statue-dismantling tools but at the same time guaranteeing an impressive bulge in all the right places, pinpoints with satellite precision the exact whereabouts of statues that are just asking to be defaced, desecrated, daubed with paint or thrown symbolically into strange places .

The book gives all the vital statistics ~ of Shanice , the editor ~ and also those of the individual statues, along with visibility profile, material construction, nearby rivers and lakes, whether or not the local police station has been rehoused in Martin’s the newsagents across the road and the exact locations of CCTV ~ essential information for all those who have nothing better to do than to get themselves recorded on film looking stupid for posterity as they grapple with a lump of stone or bronze (how future generations will laugh!)

There is also a splendid appendices for those statue molesters who prefer to do their statue attacks at night, showing the location of street lamps, and advising you on where to buy miners helmets with lamps on top for maximum hands-free statue removing.

Offensive Statues of the UK

What makes this book most appealing to statue destructors is its unique Tossability analytics paradigm (width x height x length x weight) assessed against the number of men, women, Its or Others that will be required to uproot each statue and run away with it down the street. By measuring the height of the wall over which you are going to throw it, you can then apply the Tossability calculator, which will give you, the Tossers, the exact number of Tossers needed to toss, together with elevation, lift, and trajectory parameters. Don’t forget that before attempting this exercise each group should appoint a Chief Tosser. This is a legal requirement of Health & Safety (you wouldn’t want to break the law now, would you?).

An original feature of this book is the statue’s subject Checklist! A list of politically incorrect offenses: an A~Z and back (provided in 33 ethnic languages, including Welsh) of documented, suspected and thoroughly bogus politically correct offences from which statue-shifters can choose to justify acts of vandalism (You will need these when interviewed by the liberal left media and as a Get Out of Jail Free card in the unlikely event that any one dare to arrest you and take you to liberal left court.).

The checklist lists all the main offenses that statues can commit:

✳Racism

✳ Sexism

✳ Homophobia

✳ Xenophobia

✳ Inciting Racial/Religious Hatred

✳ Too few women in the board room

✳ LGBT It & Other issues

✳ Fox Hunting

✳ Being Heterosexual

✳ Watching Black & White Films

✳ Thinking the B.B.C. stands for something else

✳ Starring in Gone With The Wind

✳ Having an Auntie who lives in Virginia

(add others as necessary)

Where can I get a copy of The UK Guide to Offensive Statues Handbook?

In spite of all efforts to the contrary, the police force has not yet been abolished and never will be, which explains why the Handbook has a limited print run and a high pulpability probability.

The good news is, however, that the ~~manual~~ personual is half-price x 2 to P.R.I.Cs. (Political Representatives of Immigration Councils). It is not necessary to be a PRIC but having a P.I.S.S. (Politically Incorrect Sensibility Status) and being a D.I.C.K (Director of the Institute of Chartered Knuckleheads) qualifies you to three free copies, and DICK Heads, those of you who are career statue removers, can apply, when you learn to spell, for lifetime membership.

Statue Heavers Institute & Trades Executive (S.H.I.T.E.) members, on presentation of their Antifa credentials (a blank piece of paper with no C.S.Es), receive a number of loyalty benefits, including a handy Get out of Jail Free card; a free holiday in a place where statues have never been heard of; medical insurance for groin sprains and ruptures (statues are heavy!); riot loyalty points; and discounts on licensed products, such as blank sweatshirts with statues removed from the front and your name and doss house address on the back; back-to-front hoodies (the ultimate in unrecognisability); and a free introductory course on banner etiquette at SHITE’s headquarters in Brixton, which includes how to spell and how to hold your banner the right way up and the right way round (IQ Test not required).

Our sisters’ publication, Offensive Statues of the Deep American South, is available from Lee’s General Stores, Confederate Street, Alobama ~ but hurry, as there are not many left!

More in the series of Our Guaranteed to Offend publications from PC Press include:

⛔ Offensive Painters & Paintings

⛔ Offensive Authors & Books

⛔ Offensive Poets & Poetry

⛔ Offensive Architects and their Offensive Buildings

🛐Offensive things that are waiting to be discovered which we will pull down later (in association with Craven Govt Publications)